


Poison

by HappyVirus707



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Leo may be violent, Love Triangle, M/M, N is a perfect mom for leo, but not really, ken is a waiter, leo is a chef, ravi is a songwriter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-03-02 14:22:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13320000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyVirus707/pseuds/HappyVirus707
Summary: Taekwoon and Wonshik were the happiest couple you could find in Korea. Key word:wereThey had happy days together, went on dates, and Wonshik even went as far as buying diamond couple bracelets for the two love birds. Taekwoon was mysterious, shy, and at times cocky when he wants to be. Of course, due to issues, their relationship is hidden. It was all fine and completelyperfectuntil Wonshik's childhood crush, Jaehwan, comes back to Seoul after being absent for years and confesses his feelings for the male.Wonshik is confused about who to love and stay with. Would he choose his first ever love that was also his charming, childhood bestfriend or the enchanting, new male who would loyally stay and love him?





	1. Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ” It’s just something that I feel  
> It feels like I’m slowly filling up  
> I’ve fallen, completely fallen  
> It feels like love at first sight ”
> 
> VIXX LR - FEELING

Jung Taekwoon(Leo): Chef, 27

Kim Wonshik(Ravi): Song writer + Producer, 24

Lee Jaehwan(Ken): Waiter, 25

 

A loud and obnoxious sounding alarm clock woke up the composer, who groaned in annoyance. Wonshik stretched his arms up in the air and felt warmth by him on the bed. He turned his head to spot cute, messy red hair sticking out under the covers. Soft breathing was heard before there was a small groan. 

"Ah," Wonshik forgot to press snooze on the alarm clock. He reached over and pressed the button. He was about too late, as he saw the redhead look at him with his cat-like eyes. "Morning, sleepy head." 

"Good morning..." The male replied in a soft mumble. As always, his voice sounded angelic, even after their activities last night( wink wonk ), bit raspy though. 

Wonshik smiled at the sight, warming his heart slightly. The redhead sat up and scratched the back of his head. His lover laughed out loud when he saw the crazy bed head on him, as if a bird made a nest in the back of his head. 

He got a playful 'slice in the neck' in response. Wonshik wondered why the cook does that but it started to become his habit, too. They both got up and walked to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Taekwoon softly hummed a random tune while brushing his teeth. Wonshik dramatically, and hilariously started dancing to the beat, which made the redhead almost spit out his toothbrush from laughter. 

After their morning routines, Taekwoon patted Wonshik's bleached white hair. "What do you want for breakfast?" He asked, softly running his hand through the hair. 

"Give me a kiss, Hamjji?" Wonshik asked, looking at the man in front of him. 

"Hey, I told you I'm not your hamster." Taekwoon said, he didn't say that in a serious tone but more of a teasing one. He kissed his lover on the cheek. "I'll make you a surprise." 

Wonshik grabbed his hands and together walked out of their bedroom. He decided to sit on the couch and wait until breakfast was ready, he finally had a day off work. He grabbed his phone from the coffee table where he put it yesterday and saw a missed called from his longtime friend, Hongbin. He decided to text him back. 

_To Bean,_

_"Sorry I missed your call yesterday, was it important?"_

He typed. Instead of waiting for a reply, he decided to go Instagram and look at all the artists who were singing his songs. He scrolled through, liking funny pictures. He heard Taekwoon singing in the kitchen with his beautiful vocals, he recommended that he try to be an idol with his looks and skills but the older man simply refused. 

As he liked a video of puppies trying to go down stairs, he sees that Hongbin texted him back. 

_To Shikkie,_

_"It was pretty important! Jaehwan is back in Seoul, we got in contact and he already got jobs and an apartment!!! ♪( ´▽｀)"_

Wonshik had his mouth open, looking at the bright screen. He read it again and again. Jaehwan is back? Jaehwan.... _that_ Jaehwan? It is a pretty big city so it's doubtful that they will run into each other but he suddenly feels a bit nervous. 

_To Bean,_

_"Really? That's great but... Does he even remember me? （；＿；）"_

Wonshik replied as calmly as possible, but he wanted to know everything. His mind swarmed with questions like where did he stay? When did he arrive? How's he doing? Does he still have that good sense of humor? His good ol' childhood friend and crush was in the same city. What if they meet? What would he say?

He suddenly jumped a bit when he heard Taekwoon softly call him from the kitchen. He quickly typed a 'sorry, I'll be back after eating' and then shoved his phone into the pocket of his black sweats before going to see the food. There were eggs, toast, a small bowl of rice, and on the side is some soup. 

"Thanks." He smiled and sat down across from his lover. _Looks delicious as always._ Being in a relationship with a chef had huge perks. Both men ate, occasionally asking questions and answering. 

-

"Do the dishes, please." Taekwoon said as he put his plate in the sink. Wonshik groaned but did so because he made breakfast for him. 

Taekwoon plopped down on the couch and grabbed the remote control to turn on the TV. 

-

While drying dishes, Wonshik wondered again about Jaehwan. He left when they were both in their second year of middle school. Apparently, Jaehwan had gone to America because his father's business was more successful in the states. They'd been friends since they were born so the separation was so hard to get over. At the time, he was completely in love with the male. He loved his humor, his voice, his laugh, everything. Now it's all but a memory. 

After finishing, he went back to the living room and saw his precious lover was silently watching the screen. After sitting down next to the redhead and putting his head on his lap, Wonshik started to softly run his fingers through Taekwoon's hair as the show continued. They both watched as an angry chef started to yell at the fellow employees. Taekwoon silently laughed at it. 

-

"I'm gonna go buy some food from the super market, want anything?" Taekwoon asked, shoving his wallet into the front pocket of his skinny jeans. 

"Can I go with you?" Wonshik asked, sitting up from the couch. The redhead nodded at him and then he got up to change. He wore a simple t-shirt and a jacket around it with some black jeans. Taekwoon wore a white sweater with sleeves that made it look like he had sweater paws, and light blue jeans matching with a black cap on his red hair. 

They walked to the super market and when they arrived, all eyes were on the two. Maybe it was because of their weird hair colors. Red and white, crazy combo. Maybe it was because they were handsome. Whatever the reason was, Taekwoon started getting shy and wanted to leave. 

"Come on, they're just looking at you because you're beautiful." Wonshik smiled. 

"And that's why I want to leave." Taekwoon said while pushing the cart. They turned at the end of the isle and Taekwoon smashed the cart into someone else's. A loud bang was heard. 

"Whoa, sorry!" Yelled a loud voice. Taekwoon looked at the unfamiliar face. 

Thick lips, blonde hair, sharp jaw line, doe-like eyes, everything looked beautiful. Those doe eyes widened and Taekwoon was confused when he looked over at Wonshik who was also surprised. 

"WONSHIK!" The stranger screamed and ran past his cart to tackle-hug the white haired man. Taekwoon watched in confusion as his boyfriend got smothered by this man with blonde hair. He had his hands wrapped around his lover's neck, tightly hugging. 

"J-Jaehwan...?" Wonshik asked in sheer amazement. Such a warm touch. A familiar scent. A bubbling feeling. After a second of confusion, he hugged him back and smiled. "Jaehwan!" He shut his eyes. 

"It's been forever!" Jaehwan said and hit his back repeatedly. "You've grown up so well." 

"Uh, I can say the same for you." Wonshik replied shyly and let go of his body to take a look. They were about the same height. Jaehwan has beautiful legs wrapped in nice jeans that complimented his black hoodie. _Damn_.

Taekwoon felt a pain bubble up in his chest as he watched his lover check out the man. He felt his face turn red and grabbed onto the cart to leave. He was about to push the cart away from the two and not come back but a hand grabbed onto his broad shoulders and stopped him. 

"Taekwoon, where are you going?" Wonshik couldn't see his face but he could sense he felt uncomfortable. 

He turned to face the man. The redhead made his naturally pink lips into a straight line before opening his mouth to speak, "I...was gonna go check out." He mumbled. 

"Who's that?" The stranger, supposedly named Jaehwan, whispered in Wonshik's ear. He felt chills go down his spine. 

"I guess I should introduce you guys." Wonshik said, scratching the back of his neck. "Jaehwan, this is my _best friend_ , Taekwoon. Taekwoon, this is my childhood best friend, Jaehwan." 

The redhead's heart cracked a bit upon hearing 'best friend'. They kept their relationship a secret but everytime he introduced him as a friend, his heart ached more. This time, he felt a sense of danger. He had a voice in the very back of his head saying _'He's gonna steal your man. Wonshik will be gone from your side.'_

"Nice to meet you, Taekwoon-sshi." Jaehwan put his hand out for him to shake. 

"Nice to meet you, Jaehwan-sshi..." Taekwoon replied and shyly shook his hand. 

The blonde smiled at him before letting go. Even his smile was perfect. "Oh yeah, give me your contact information." Jaehwan looked away from Taekwoon and back at Wonshik. He pulled out his phone and gave it to Wonshik. He quickly typed his number into the phone and smiled. 

"It's so nice seeing you again." Wonshik said in a gentle tone. 

"Well, you'll be seeing more of me soon, Mr. Handsome." Jaehwan winked, "White haired looks good on you." 

"Thanks, I could say the same for your blonde hair." Wonshik smirked, "But it's like you have bananas on your head." 

"Oh shut up." The blonde replied, grabbing his ears and pulling them as a mother would. "Don't talk about your ahjumma like that!" He said in a weird voice, trying to impersonate an old woman. Taekwoon felt awkward and, for the first time in awhile, mad. He quickly pushed the cart away and this time, no one stopped him. No one called out to him. No one followed behind him. He wasn't sure if he was okay with that but he left silently.

After paying, he grabbed the bags by himself and walked home, a bit lonelier than before. "Nothing's wrong with hanging with a childhood friend right?" He asked himself.

-

"I can't believe you've grown that tall, I used to be so much taller than you." Jaehwan laughed. 

"You've grown tall yourself," Wonshik replied. He saw that his childhood friend looked like a very beautiful model. Perfect body, perfect everything. He felt his heart skip a beat when he smiled at him. _What the fuck?_ He thought. He felt a bit guilty but he has no idea why. He looked around and didn't see Taekwoon, he must've left when he wasn't looking.

"Want to go hang out?" Jaehwan asked, "I just moved in though. There are a few boxes hanging around my apartment." 

Wonshik pulled out his phone, "Let me tell Taekwoon that I'll be out." He replied. It was their first day off together in weeks but he figures it'll be alright. Taekwoon must be tired anyway so he'll want to be alone, there's not a problem hanging out with his old childhood friend right? 

_To Hamjji,_

_Hey, I think I'll come home late. I'll be out with Jaehwan to catch up on some things. Have dinner without me!_

"Why do you need to text him? Is he coming over to your place later?" The blonde looked into Wonshik's eyes. His eyebrows furrowed a bit, as if he was worried. 

"Ah, we're...roommates..." Wonshik said, feeling his body burning up from the intense eye contact. Jaehwan let out a small 'oh' from his lips before looking away. 

"I'm staying in the apartment complex on **** ****** street. That big white building. It may look big on the outside..." Jaehwan then pouted, "But the apartments are so tiny so mine is even more small with the furniture I put in it." 

Wonshik chuckled, "As long as there aren't any bugs in there then I'm fine with it being small." He checked his phone and saw that Taekwoon read his message but didn't reply, like normal. 

"Still scared of bugs huh?" Jaehwan laughed, letting out a beautiful noise. "If you're coming over, I should get some alcohol." 

-

They sat on the floor in Jaehwan's living room, occasionally taking swigs of soju. They talked about school days and past memories. "Haha, remember that one time when we were going on a fishing field trip in grade school and you tripped by the river because of mud?" Jaehwan barked out a loud laugh and held his stomach. 

"Why do you always have to bring that up?" Wonshik pouted and then drank from the bottle of soju. 

"And then you had to wear crocks all the way back from there to school!" The blonde was now slapping his thigh, and after calming down a bit he sighed. "Oh, the good days." 

Wonshik missed Jaehwan. A lot. He missed this mood they're always in. He missed his teasing and impersonations of animals or old people. He missed how he felt at home with him. He smiled before pouring him more alcohol and they both cheered to reuniting. 

"What's your current job?" Wonshik asked. 

"I'm working multiple." Jaehwan answered, "I just went to an interview for a waiter gig which makes me work Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays. And at night, I'm currently a small bartender, I work on Tuesdays and Wednesdays." 

"Wow, impressive." The male replied, nodding his head in acknowledgment. 

"What're you doing for money?" The blonde looked at him. 

Wonshik took a sip of alcohol, "I work as a song writer and producer." 

Jaehwan gasped. "Working with the stars I see. What's a song that you've produced that's popular?" 

"Hmmm..." The white haired man thought for a bit. "Ever heard of Good Night and Good Morning by VISX?" 

"Ah..." Jaehwan started laughing, "It's currently my ringtone!" The drunken man started singing bits and pieces of the song. _His voice is as beautiful as it was during childhood._ Wonshik's heart fluttered once again, buzzing feelings whelming up. "Ah, you dating anyone?" He asked, dazed. 

Wonshik had a smirk on his face, "Why do you care?" 

"Just answer the question." Jaehwan groaned. 

"No, I'm not. Are you?" 

"Or course not~" The blonde bursted out laughing.

Maybe it's because of the alcohol but he thought Jaehwan looked much more pretty then he did before.

Then, the image of Taekwoon popped up in his head. He clenched his teeth. Should he be feeling this way towards Jaehwan? Shivers ran up his spine, weren't those past feelings gone? It's been years since they've seen each other so why does his heart start fluttering? Maybe he just missed him a lot. 

"Wonshik? You drunk already?" Jaehwan hiccuped, patting his shoulder. 

"Nah," Wonshik hazily said, he almost started slurring his words, "I just thought about how much I missed you..." 

"..." Jaehwan looked directly into his eyes. It felt as if time stopped, as if they were the only ones on earth. Wonshik almost couldn't keep his eyes open due to the feeling of dizziness. He was drunk already, how pathetic. 

In a matter of seconds, Jaehwan attacked his lips. Wonshik kissed back and grabbed the back of the blonde's head and pushed his lips harder, closer. Jaehwan felt up and down the younger man's body with his hands, roaming. 

-

Taekwoon sat criss-crossed in the living room in his pajamas, looking at what's trending on his phone. He looked at the time that read 12:07. It was late already and Wonshik hasn't come home yet, which worried the older male. Ever since he received that one text from him, he's been worried sick. Had something gone wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was this chapter? Good? No??? Oh...okay. I might see you next update :^) Thanks for reading!


	2. Youth Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ” The day you left me without any warning  
> The end of my youth had come  
> I had no fear when it came to love  
> But now you made me into a coward ”
> 
> VIXX - YOUTH HURTS

Jaehwan slowly traced his hand around Wonshik's zipper and started to unzip it. He then grabbed the rim of his black jeans and was preparing to pull them off.

His eyes opened wide and he realized what was doing. "H-hey, wait!" Wonshik pushed Jaehwan off of his lap, gasping for air. "What...what the hell did I just do?" He mumbled out loud while staring directly into the blonde's eyes. Guilt plagued his very own. He had a boyfriend. A boyfriend who has been by his side for two years. HE HAD A BOYFRIEND. He wiped his lips aggressively. "I'm o...off the market!" He said. Now he could really hear himself slurring words in a drunken way. 

"Eh?" Jaehwan had his mouth open, forming an 'O' shape. "Didn't ya jus' say ya weren't dating?" Jaehwan pronounced things so weirdly when he was drunk. 

"U-urm, well..." Wonshik sighed and was bringing the bottle of soju to his lips before the blonde grabbed the bottle and looked at him with an angry expression. 

"Who is tha' loser?" Jaehwan frowned, "Who is datin' my love!?" His eyebrows furrowed together in anger. He mumbled over and over 'who' which almost sounded like an owl. Wonshik would've bursted out laughing but he stood up and grabbed his jacket. 

After zipping it up, he turned to look at Jaehwan who was still on the floor with the soju bottle in his hand. "I'm...I'm gonna go now..." He hiccuped in between, "When it's mornin'...we pretend this never happened, okay?" 

"Hmm," Jaehwan took a sip of soju, "Yepyep, so come sit down by me...come baaaaaaack." He said, flimsily hitting the spot next to him. 

"I—I think I'm just..." Wonshik paused to take in a deep breath, "gonna go. Text me when you aren't drunk..." 

Jaehwan smiled and waved bye as he watched the man leave. When he saw his door shut, he felt small tears developing in his eyes. "What the fuck? I can't even get you when you're drunk..." He bit his bottom lip and inhaled a pained breath. He almost never gets drunk while drinking. It's been so long since he's seen Wonshik and he was grown up, too. He was so beautiful, he grew up truly handsome. 

Jaehwan wondered who Wonshik was dating. A woman? Man? Other? He wanted to cry thinking about it, his heart raced. It doesn't matter if he's dating someone or not, Jaehwan just wants him. He needs him. He's loved Wonshik since childhood and he's not going to give up now. 

He'll steal him away if he has to. 

-

After getting out of the taxi, Wonshik walked into his apartment lobby and went to the elevator. After pressing the 8th floor button, he leaned his head against the wall. Did he really just kiss Jaehwan? He has Taekwoon. The beautiful Taekwoon that took months to get close to. He ruffled his hair. 

What he was frustrated about was not that Jaehwan kissed him, but because he kissed back. Because he wanted to. What type of man does that? He felt his heart thumping extremely loud when their lips finally connected but now all he felt was guilt. 

"It was just a kiss..." Wonshik mumbled, "And I was drunk! It doesn't mean anything...m-my heart was just beating hard because of the alcohol..." He tried his best to convince himself that he didn't have feelings for Jaehwan and he just simply kissed him back because he was drunk.

The elevator door opened and he saw a familiar hallway. He stepped out and took out his phone to check the time. He froze. 12:46. He's been gone for that long? He ran to his apartment and typed in the passcode. He quickly went in, closed the door, took off his shoes, and turned the corner to see Taekwoon lazily asleep on the chic black couch they owned. 

His arms were crossed, his eyes shut lightly. Wonshik's heart started racing again. Small intakes of breathes were heard from the redhead, his mouth was slightly open. Wonshik silently walked to him and sat on the floor by the couch. He admired his lover's face and felt himself burning up a bit. 

_What are you always thinking about? Were you jealous?_ Wonshik thought. He could never guess what Taekwoon was thinking, even though he's opened himself up way more than when they first met. 

When they first met, Taekwoon was just a small kitchen chef at a party held for celebrities and Wonshik was getting more and more popular because of his songs and he had blue hair(he wanted to stand out from other song-writers). Once Wonshik took a bite of the cuisine dessert, he immediately knew he needed to meet who made it. He only needed one bite to get pulled in. 

He asked his friend, who hosted the party, about the chef who made the dessert he ate. His friend took him to the kitchen where many chefs greeted him with respect but one specific person in the back didn't even look at him.

His red hair was so vibrant under the white hat he wore. He seemed only in his own world, focusing on glazing on some fine strawberry glaze onto a dessert. Wonshik recognized that dessert as the one he ate previously. He gently tapped on one of the chef by him. "That guy over there...with the red hair, is he the one who makes those desserts or are there multiple people?" 

"Ah, him? Yeah, he makes those by himself." The female chef sighed, "He isn't that social so he never asks us for help. He does everything by himself, but he's kinda scary..." She turned her head to look at the man she was talking to and gasped. 

Wonshik nodded his head, "Okay. Thank you." He shot her a smile and she could've melted looking at his beautiful face. She was going to ask why he wanted to know about the redhead but he left her side before she could. 

Wonshik saw that the red haired man was about to leave, probably going to go home because he took off his black apron on his curvy waist. The redhead already left through the back door and Wonshik ran faster out. He made it to the end and opened the door but saw nothing but the back parking lot for employees. 

He looked around and finally spotted the stranger getting into his car. "Red Hamjji man!" Wonshik screamed and waved his hands. 

Before the stranger put his key into the outside to unlock it, he turned and saw Wonshik. Frozen, he just stared quietly. Wonshik, then, ran to him and when he finally stood in front of him, the man was still silent. "Sorry for calling you that," He said, "But I really, really wanted to talk to you." 

The red haired man looked up at him, their eyes meeting. Wonshik stared into his dark colored eyes, feeling an intense sensation run through his veins. The stranger's face was absolutely beautiful and looked softer than a baby's face. His lips were naturally light pink and a bit puckered, making it look almost like a pout. He noticed piercings on his ear lobes, which was only a plus for him. "Okay..." The man simply replied. His soft and gentle voice sent chills down the other male's spine. 

"I wanted to say that I really enjoy those strawberry glazed desserts thingie—" Wonshik blushed, "Sorry, n-not thingie! I'm not sure what they're called but they're small and filled with vanilla filling and—" 

"I know what you're talking about." The stranger said, looking emotionless. 

The blue-haired man let out a small laugh before calming himself and standing up straight. "I'm Kim Wonshik. I really would like to keep you in contact. Your dessert was amazing." He smiled, "My friends would sometimes come over for small parties and we could really use desserts." 

The other man kept quiet, which made Wonshik a bit more nervous. Then, suddenly, like music to Wonshik's ears, he heard beautiful laughing. He looked at the stranger, who was smiling before covering his mouth and turning red which made Wonshik blush, too. "A-ah, sorry..." The stranger mumbled. 

"You have a really nice voice," Wonshik scratched the back of his neck, sheepishly, "You don't have to apologize." 

The man turned his head away from the blue-haired male and Wonshik thought he was going to get rejected but instead, he pulled out a card from his pocket. "Here, it's my business card." 

Wonshik scanned his eyes over it, "Taekwoon...24 years old?!" He gasped. The man, named Taekwoon, looked at him confusingly. "You had such a pretty baby face that I thought you were younger than me...I'm sorry, Taekwoon-sshi." He bowed before the other. 

_Pretty baby face?_ Taekwoon's face started heating up, making him blush. Out of sheer embarrassment, he tried to lighten up the situation by hitting the blue-haired man on his nape as if hitting him with a sword. 

Wonshik looked up in surprise. Taekwoon only seemed to be more embarrassed of his action and covered his face with his hands. There was silence before Wonshik bursted out laughing in his low toned voice. "I'll call you if I would like to do business, is that alright?" He smiled. Taekwoon removed his hands.

The redhead nodded and parted ways for the night. Both males thought about each other that night. 

He snapped out of daydreaming when he heard his name being called. "Wonshik...?" He looked over to see Taekwoon who was slowly adjusting his eyes so he could open them. After rubbing his eyes, he looked at him. He took a sniff. "You...you smell like alcohol." He scrunched his nose. 

"Sorry," Wonshik laughed, he still felt like he was up on clouds. Like he was flying. Maybe it's the guilt and feelings of love mixed together that made him feel like a mess but he didn't care. He tried to kiss Taekwoon but he pushed him away. "I love you, I love you, I love you~"

"Go take a shower, you drunkard!" The redhead smiled and pushed his head away. He sat up, "Then go to bed. You look exhausted, I'll see you there." He walked into the bedroom and Wonshik heard the bed squeaking, indicating that he laid down. He sighed before getting up and scurrying to the bathroom. He already found a set of clothes there for him. 

-

While in the shower, he thought about Jaehwan again. If he had not stopped the blonde, what would have happened? Would he actually have sex with him? He knows that he used to like him, but they were innocent back then. He never felt sexual feelings for the other but...he imagined Jaehwan panting and screaming his name from under him. His beautiful pink lips opened and moaning, him begging him to go faster, harder. 

He was hard. Wonshik sighed and slammed his forehead against the wall before turning the water cold to try to get rid of his hard-on. He must still be drunk. That's it! He wouldn't have imagined him in that messy state if he wasn't drunk. Afterall, Taekwoon was everything he could imagine. He shut his eyes. He didn't have work in the morning, but Taekwoon did. Would Taekwoon even question why he was out that late?

-

"What was he doing out so late..." The redhead wondered, trying his best to fall asleep. He heard the water in the shower running, he heard the clock ticking, he heard his own heart beat. Wonshik was drunk when he got home. Taekwoon knew that he usually gets touchy when he's drunk, which makes him even more scared. The way Wonshik was looking at the other man earlier at the super market was in no way a friendly way. 

_Childhood bestfriends, huh?_ Taekwoon frowned and covered his head under the blue and red covers. He squeezed his eyes shut, as tight as he could. There was no way that Wonshik could have been cheating, he thought, they looked as if they just met today after awhile so...he couldn't have been cheating. The redhead sighed, "That's right...they probably just reunited after a long time and had a drink. That's all. A drink. That's all." He kept telling himself that. He never was one to speak up when he was jealous and he'd keep it all inside.

He doesn't know why, but he feels a strange sense of sadness. Why does he feel this way? Wonshik wouldn't cheat on him, right? It was his first time meeting Jaehwan, he shouldn't be judging him. He shouldn't be thinking that the blonde would take away _his_ Wonshik. They're childhood friends, they should be close! But why does it seem like the touches mean something...more? 

"What the hell is wrong with me?" He groaned in frustration.

He heard the bedroom door open and took a small peak from under the covers to see Wonshik coming in, his white hair still wet. He laid down next to the redhead on his blue pillow. Taekwoon looked at him. "You're not gonna dry your hair?" 

"Hmm, too tired..." Wonshik mumbled and pulled the covers over him. He turned his head to Taekwoon. "You're so pretty." He smiled. 

"Are you still drunk?" Taekwoon teased and pat his wet hair. 

"You're always pretty, I don't tell you enough how pretty you are." Wonshik simply said. 

"You crazy bastard." Taekwoon blushed and removed his hand from petting his head to hitting his neck. 

Wonshik had a sad smile on his face and his eyes slowly fluttered shut, "I'm sorry..." 

Taekwoon didn't think he was saying sorry for calling him pretty. He didn't know what he was apologizing for, "Why are you saying sorry?" Taekwoon asked softly. 

Wonshik didn't replied and the redhead knew he was fast asleep when he heard snores. He sighed and turned to face the ceiling. He was sorry for what? He frowned before closing his tired eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter is done! I don't know when is the next update but hopefully soon. Thanks for reading! (Btw my bias is Leo and I ship WonTaek more...)


	3. Goodbye Your Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ” I hide my tears behind a yawn  
> “Today will be a good day”  
> Yeah right. Is your heart clear  
> Like the laughing sky? ” 
> 
> VIXX - GOODBYE YOUR LOVE

Taekwoon hastily grabbed his things and zipped out of the living room. He had to quickly go to his restaurant to prepare before it opened up and at 1:30 AM, he worked at a popular club for celebrities as a professional chef. He ran to the room and gave Wonshik a goodbye kiss with a bottle of painkillers to try to get rid of the major headache he knew Wonshik was going to have before speeding off for the front door. 

He stopped by for a latte on his way to his restaurant. He also bought one for a certain someone. Then, sprinted to work. 

-

He panted in front of the restaurant, holding his knees and bent over. After catching his breathe, he pulled out his keys and opened the glass door. Walking inside, he turned on the lights. 

He owned a chic restaurant. The interior was black, white, and red with a tint of yellow here and there. The lights hung above tables and were shaped as fishes. The chairs were red and the walls were a very clean white. He had a row of chairs and a counter in front of the open space in the kitchen so if anyone wanted to watch their food being made then they could do so, he was often told that it looked like a sushi place. 

There were tables spread around the place and a fish aquarium in the back. The floor was a black colored wood, but the kitchen had marbled flooring. There's always a small black cat decoration at each table. 

Taekwoon went in the kitchen and took a sip of his latte before setting it down next to the other one and started checking all the supplies. 

He, then, heard the door open and saw his co-owner and best friend, Hakyeon, walk in. "Hey, Taekwoonie!" The man with brown hair yelled. "Nice to see you on time." 

Even if they were best friends, Taekwoon still found the older male annoying. He looked at him from behind the counter. "Nice to see you, too, Hakyeon." He passed the latte to him, "Here." 

Hakyeon smiled, "Thank you." He grabbed it and took a long drink before going to the kitchen to assist him. After a few hours of checking everything off and getting ingredients out, Hakyeon put their usual black chalk board out saying "Special Item on Menu, TODAY ONLY!" 

"There should be a new employee coming today, the guy I interviewed yesterday." Hakyeon said, wiping off the table, "Don't scare him off with that glare of yours." 

Taekwoon only groaned in response, "What time is he gonna arrive?" 

"In about..." He checked his watch, "Twenty minutes. He's a new waiter." 

"Aren't you gonna tell me his name?" The redhead said, sitting on one of the chairs by the long counter. 

"You'll find out when he introduces himself to the rest of the crew." He replied, "Speaking of crew...seems like they're coming right now." 

"Good morning!" Sanghyuk chirped as he walked through the door, followed by Yixing, Eunkwang, and In Guk. 

"Good morning everyone!" Hakyeon greeted back. 

"Morning." Taekwoon said, putting on his black apron. They were about to open up, and not to brag but the restaurant is one of the most famous and best in Korea for their delicious meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. 

 

-

"Ugh..." Wonshik groaned, his eyes had a hard time adjusting to the sunlight. Finally, after blinking multiple times, he slowly sat up and scratched the back of his head. 

He had a splitting headache. He was about to get out of bed but stopped when he saw on the table by his bed, there was a bottle of pills with a water bottle by it. _Taekwoon must've gotten these..._

He smiled and grabbed the bottle of pills then took a few of them out, shoving them in his mouth and chugging water down. His wobbly legs hit the floor and he almost fell due to the painful headache still there. Damn, pills need to work faster! 

He slowly and carefully walked to the bathroom and started to wash up. While brushing his teeth, he saw his phone light up with a text message on the counter. He sighed and washed his mouth before grabbing his phone and looking at the notification. 

__  
From : Kenjjuma  
To : Shikkie 

Wonshik laughed when he saw 'Kenjjuma', Ken was his name when he was in America. They talked about that yesterday when they were drinking before...

 _Hey, are you awake yet? Let's hang out soon, I miss you already!_

Wonshik could almost feel the excitement from the simple text. He did want Jaehwan to forget about what happened _last night_ but did he really forget? Wonshik had a complicated expression played on his face and he had to have some time to think of what to reply with. Did he _want_ Jaehwan to remember?

__

_To : Kenjjuma_

_Sure, let's see what when our schedule's free. Also, I think we drank way too much because my head is killing me!_

_To : Shikkie_

_I can relate, I feel like my head is gonna explode!!! But I'm about to go to work so I gotta bring up actor Jaehwan! Wish me luck on my first day. (=ﾟωﾟ)ﾉ I'm close to arriving._

_To : Kenjjuma_

_Good luck and have a good day, let's see each other soon!_

"And send." He said out loud, unintentionally. He smiled warmly and gripped his phone. Then went back to the bedroom and slipped on some comfortable sweats and a sweater. 

-

Taekwoon heard the bell on the door ring, signaling that someone was coming in. He turned his head in the direction of the door and saw a familiar man with blonde hair and plump lips. He pressed his feelings of jealousy away. The blonde looked around before setting his eyes on the redhead behind the kitchen counter. "Ah, I remember you!" Jaehwan gasped. 

With Jaehwan's yell, Hakyeon's head poked out from the staff room. "Jaehwan, you're here early!" Taekwoon had his pink lips pressed together, was this man the new waiter? No way. The brunette turned to him. "This is Lee Jaehwan, our new waiter. Jaehwan, this is your boss number 2, Jung Taekwoon." 

The blonde smiled warmly, his face was shining with perfection. "We already met the other day. It's nice to see you again, Taekwoon."

Hakyeon beamed, "You guys are already getting that familiar with each other?" 

The other man looked at him, "What do you mean?" 

"Taekwoon is your sunbaenim I guess. We're the same age." Hakyeon said. 

"What, 27?!" Jaehwan's eyes widened and he quickly turned to the silent redhead, "I'm sorry Taekwoon sunbaenim, your face looked so baby-faced and young that I wasn't aware that I was younger. I thought we were the same age!"

Taekwoon had no idea how to respond, was that even a compliment to be called baby-faced? (He's been called that two times already!!!) He looked down at the floor, his face turning red from the compliment(?). He was never the best at receiving kind comments about him, and when he did, he'd usually be called fairy-head. 

The blonde only saw the top of his head as Taekwoon shyly looked down and mumbled a small and short 'thank you' before silently leaving into the staff room. He took a short breather and fanned his face with his hand. His boyfriend's childhood bestfriend is now working at his restaurant. What are the chances? 

He took a deep breath before coming out of the staff room while the others started introducing themselves to Jaehwan. Yixing gave Jaehwan quick reminders and rules about the restaurant while Sanghyuk told him ways how to scare Hakyeon. They got along easily. 

After Taekwoon asked the youngest, Hyukkie, if he could turn their sign to 'open' instead of 'closed', the day officially started. 

New consumers or regulars came in almost immediately and they were all greeted by the kind-hearted workers. The regulars noticed that there was a new waiter and Jaehwan immediately charmed them with his out-going and funny self. 

As usual, Taekwoon was caught up with his cooking. He received multiple compliments which made him into a complete tomato with how red his face was. 

Finally the long day ended, the redhead felt a bit relieved when he saw that the time was only 11:11 PM. He waved goodbye to his crew and decided to stay behind for awhile. Jaehwan also said bye but not to Taekwoon, to the group. "Would you like to have a drink with me, Taekwoon sunbaenim?" 

"Hyung is fine." Taekwoon said, "I guess I have a little more time until my next shift..." He wasn't gonna drink much anyway. He took off his black apron and put on his black jacket, then walked out of the staff room with Jaehwan. He was his subordinate, he _should_ drink with him. 

"Hyung, huh?" Jaehwan smiled, "Who knew this hyung was so friendly?" 

Taekwoon gave him a weird look before 'slaying' him in the neck. "Everyone but you." This made Jaehwan laughed. 

The blonde calmed himself, "Who's paying?" 

"I'll pay since I'm older." Taekwoon replied while putting on the black cap he had in his hand. 

"We should split the bill." Jaehwan said while opening the door for the older male, "I _am_ inviting you out afterall." The older male nodded in agreement and muttered a 'thank you' for him holding the door. 

-

Jaehwan laughed out loud, which surprised the older male, making him look at him. People looked at the blonde for being handsome. Nah, probably because he's too loud. "It's so funny, I was drinking just last night, too." Jaehwan said. 

Wonshik was, too. Both of them drank together. "Then why are you drinking tonight?" Taekwoon asked before taking only a sip on beer. He was bad at drinking. 

"I just wanted to talk to you." Jaehwan said, "And I don't get drunk anyway so my hangovers don't hurt me at all." 

Taekwoon looked at him, "What do you wanna talk about?" 

Jaehwan's face turned bright, his smile turning into a wide grin. "Glad you asked! Wonshik told me you guys were roommates, I'm guessing you guys are really close. Me and him used to be like that but," The blonde took a deep breathe, "We've been apart for _way_ too long. I wanna ask about him, and I feel like you're the best person I could ask." 

Taekwoon was surprised. Why didn't he just fucking ask Wonshik instead of him? His stomach churned and he swallowed the venom wanting to come from his mouth. And ROOMMATES? "You guys were drinking yesterday right?" Jaehwan nodded. "Then didn't you ask him the questions when you were together?" He said that way faster and meaner than he meant to. Taekwoon took another sip of beer.

"Well," Jaehwan looked a bit flustered, "He kinda said something before he left and he didn't get the chance to answer my question." Taekwoon raised an eyebrow. 

"What'd you ask?" 

"I asked him who he was dating because he told me he was 'off the market' BUT earlier when we were drinking, he said he was single." The blonde had a small frown on his face. "Do you know who he's dating?" 

Taekwoon felt his heart shatter as if it was a glass chandelier dropping 300 feet down. Single? They agreed to say they were dating someone if anybody asked. SINGLE? "Ah." Taekwoon let it slip from his mouth unintentionally, "No. I don't." 

Jaehwan sighed, "Damn." The blonde ruffled his fluffy, golden locks, "Do you think he was lying then?" 

"Maybe." Taekwoon wanted to get up and leave but he pushed his urge down with his jealousy, "Why do you care about who he's dating?" _That was a bold move, Taekwoon!_ He said to himself. He can't believe he actually asked such a question. He hoped that he didn't sound bitter. 

"I don't think I'm wrong, hyung, but you're gay aren't you?" The younger male asked. What did that have to do with anything? Taekwoon was looking at him, astonished. How did he- "You must be thinking how I know, I just sense it. Let's just say us gays have a gay-dar on top of our heads." 

"You're..?" 

"Yup, I'm gay." Jaehwan said, almost proudly. Taekwoon noticed that the courage he had was almost alike to Wonshik's. Wonshik didn't like people knowing his sexuality but he seemed proud of Taekwoon. He seemed proud of his work in music, in his colleagues and in his singers. They shared the same courage that Taekwoon can only wish to have. He took, yet again, another swig of beer, this time more than before.

The redhead wasn't expecting an answer for why but he sure got one that definitely didn't surprise him. "And...I had a crush on him since we were kids..." 

The younger male's cheeks had a light pink tint to it, almost like a child's face. _Beautiful. He's very beautiful._ Taekwoon thought. He had to admit that Jaehwan was a charmer and very cute, which made his own self-esteem drop down to the negatives. In a situation where Wonshik had to pick between the two, Taekwoon was sure that he would get thrown away immediately. Maybe he was just being an insecure asshole but he really was feeling down. 

In an attempt to be-rid of the silence that passed after his confession(and trying to get rid of the negative thoughts), he grabbed Jaehwan's bottle of soju and chugged it all down, making sure to get every last drop. He gave the bottle back to the younger male before wiping the excess alcohol on his bottom lip and chin. "You know..." He said, already dizzy, "We've known each other for three years and he has never ONCE mentioned you." 

Jaehwan stayed silent. "You're drunk already?" He decided to ignore what the older male said earlier. 

"It's so weird that we're working in the same restaurant, in the same building, breathing the same air, drinking together, it's all so weird." Taekwoon mumbled, a sad smile on his face. He leaned forward and put both arms on the blue table, then rested his head on them while staring at the other man.

"Hyung, you're so honest when you're drunk." Jaehwan said, trying to keep his laughter in. He didn't notice the gloom expression on the redhead since he always has a poker face. 

Taekwoon nodded, "Yeah," He turned away to look somewhere else. "Do you think...Wonshik likes you back?" 

The blonde shrugged, "Not sure but that was one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you today. I think he does." This made Taekwoon looked at him, his face full of confusion. "I wanted to ask you if you could somehow find out if he does. I also would like to be...friends." 

"Oh." Taekwoon stared at him blankly, "I see."

Jaehwan started feeling a bit scared. When Taekwoon was almost completely quiet, it scared him most. "Can I have your contact information? I would really want to know more about Wonshik another time but you seem a bit out of it." 

"Out of it?" Taekwoon had a visible pout on his lips and Jaehwan immediately picked up on his mood. He grabbed Jaehwan's phone which he put on the table earlier and went to his notes, who the hell doesn't have a password on their phone? Apparently Jaehwan. He typed his number and LINE. After pulling out some money and putting it on the table, he had a huge urge to punch something.

Without second thought, he stood up and with shaky legs, walked out of the bar and outside where he took a deep breath and shut his eyes. He heard cars, the sound of blowing wind, and distant footsteps. He felt so damn _angry_. It could be the fact that he was drunk and alcohol was flowing through his body or it could be the intense feeling of jealousy wanting to drown him. His hands were in fists and he bit his bottom lip. What does he mean when he said 'I think he does'? Why did they have to work together? Why did they have to be colleagues? Why the fuck did he work at his restaurant? 

Taekwoon hated when he was like this, he was violent when he was mad. He hated when he felt emotions he shouldn't be feeling. Wonshik never ever mentioned Jaehwan before they met, he shouldn't be worried right? He just met the man! He would've let his jealousy go when he closed his eyes the night before but now that he knows that Jaehwan _likes_ his boyfriend, he felt a dread of not telling the blonde they were dating. Not only did he like his boyfriend, he wants to be friends and then wants HIM to find out if HIS boyfriend likes the blondie. 

He let out a low growl before unclenching his fists and taking out his phone. The time read 12:38. _Damn, I've got to get to work..._ He sighed before trying his best to calm himself down. After taking a deep breath, he began to slowly sober up. That's what he told himself, but a small part of him knew he was completely drunk and crazy. 

He called a taxi and told the driver the directions to the night club. He laid his sleepy head on the soft cushion seat. His head was a mess. This was not Taekwoon. Taekwoon was a calm and sometimes mischievous male, not a drunkard who is filled with anger. "Do you happen to have any stress balls?" He asked the driver when there was a red light. 

The driver silently pulled out a stress ball and gave it to the redhead, "You seem really stressed, sir. You can have it." 

Taekwoon grabbed the blue stress ball and started squeezing, then thanked the driver. His anger was still clouding his mind. 

When he arrived, he gave the driver a huge tip, telling him to keep the change, and got out of the car. He felt a bit carsick and still dizzy. He walked to the security guard who was his friend and said he had a shift. 

"You're drunk, aren't you?" The man, Minhyuk, smiled. His charming face was wasted by being a security guard. 

"Why would you say that?" Taekwoon asked, he tried punching Minhyuk on the shoulder but missed. 

"You're grinning like a complete idiot." The man replied, "If you smile this much all the time then we could get Kylie Jenner in our club. She wouldn't resist our little Daeguni." 

"Yeah, yeah." Taekwoon said and went inside, his face was blushing red. 

He worked at a nightclub which served only celebrities. It's like a hangout for the rich, popular, and beautiful. He wondered why he was ever there. Taekwoon usually works night shifts from Monday till Wednesday, occasionally Fridays if there's a party. Even though he doesn't get much sleep during those days, he works there because it was the first place with people that considered him a real chef. 

He learned a lot in the club and he knows he would have to quit someday because he needs sleep but for now, he plans to stay. Wonshik would also stay there sometimes when he isn't in a recording studio or in his own room writing lyrics and songs down like Einstein trying experiments, carefully and precisely filling up his notebooks with notes and writing. 

Taekwoon made his way to the boss' room to hopefully get some medicine for the small headache he had. As he walked, he past a few of some celebrities who greeted him. He decided not to greet back, he might say something mean, he was always honest when he was drunk. 

"Sunggyu," Taekwoon didn't even dare to knock. They were friends anyway, he was sure that he wouldn't mind. "You have some painkillers?" 

Sunggyu sighed, "Are you drunk?" He asked with a smile as he pulled out a bottle of painkillers from his pocket. 

"Why...why—" He sighed, "Why is everyone asking that?" 

"Because you smell like a bar." The boss replied. Taekwoon took some pills and swallowed them dry. "Why did you still come to work even though you're wasted?" 

The redhead smiled at him, "Because I love cooking." 

"But in the state you're in, with your shaking arms, I don't think you'll cook anything that isn't burnt." Sunggyu sighed. 

"I've never burnt anything in my whole life." Taekwoon plopped down to the couch in front of the other man's desk. 

"I told you that you could come whenever you want, you didn't have to come to work today. You look exhausted anyway." Sunggyu got out of his chair and sat by him. 

Taekwoon looked at him, "Are you subtly trying to tell me to go home?" 

"Yes." Sunggyu replied with a smug smile. 

The redhead frowned, "But I just got here..." He mumbled and gave him puppy eyes. 

"Just rest in here for a bit. You could even hang out with the celebrities if you want, they like you but that's probably not a good idea when you're drunk like this." 

"I'll just rest in here, thanks Sunggyu." He pushed the other man off the couch and laid down, pulling a blanket close by to cover himself. 

Sunggyu laughed before leaving the room to go greet the celebrities that waited for him. 

After Taekwoon heard the door close, he groaned. His head was starting to hurt, he felt dizzy, the taste of the soju and beer still left a bitter taste in his mouth. In all, he was just disgusted and jealous, he squeezed the stress ball before shoving it in his jacket pocket.

He heard his phone vibrating in his pocket. He groggily took out his phone and saw that Wonshik was calling. He picked up hesitantly, his mind was still on Jaehwan's love for his boyfriend. "Hello?" He muttered. "Wonshik?"

"Taekwoonie?" The low voice sounded a bit concerned. "You sound tired, you okay?" 

The redhead almost wanted to cry. What the fuck is the alcohol doing to him? He took a deep breath and with a non-shaky voice, he replied, "I'm a bit tired. Have you eaten yet?" 

"Yeah, I ate the left overs that you made yesterday." Wonshik's voice was a bit cheery, "Sorry if I'm bothering you. I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing." Taekwoon grinned like a complete idiot under the covers and squirmed. 

"Can you pick me up?" Taekwoon asked. 

"Hmm, right now?" The younger male asked. The redhead shook his head but then realized that they were on a phonecall. 

"Yes!" He said. Hearing Wonshik's voice made him feel so much better. He didn't know why he was so jealous, Wonshik loved him right? Whatever. He didn't care right now. 

-

Wonshik held onto Taekwoon's waist, giving him some support as they walked to his car. Sunggyu quickly explained that he came to the club drunk. "Why would you drink when you're the fastest drunk?" 

Taekwoon laughed and got in the car. He sat in the front seat by Wonshik. His head leaned on the window when his lover drove. 

After a few moments of silent with only the radio playing softly in the background, Taekwoon spoke. "Hey, Wonshik..." 

"Yes?" The younger male kept his eyes on the redlight. 

"You'd never cheat on me, right?" Taekwoon mumbled under his breath. He almost didn't hear him. 

Wonshik hastily looked over at him before looking forward. He's just drunk and out of his mind. "Of course not." He heard the older male giggle, which made the corner of his lips curve into a small smile. He wished he could hear Taekwoon giggle more often.

"Then...would you choose me over Jaehwan?" Taekwoon said softly, a faint pout on his lips.

Wonshik froze. He had to control the urge to look over at the redhead so he wouldn't crash. "What?" When he heard no reply, he looked over at him once again from the corner of his eye and saw that he fell asleep. He must've been tired from work and drinking. Who did he drink with and why was he drinking? Questions ambushed Wonshik's mind as he was driving. 

But only one question truly stuck out to him. "Why the fuck was he asking about Jaehwan?" He muttered to himself.


	4. Desperate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ” The first step  
> your fate is changing and takes a hold of you  
> Follow me, 'cos I'm so desperate  
> You don't know  
> Come in, in the time of desperation  
> You are my everything ” 
> 
> VIXX - DESPERATE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HmMmMmMMhMmMMMMmMmm, sOMe JUiCy smUt cominG uP.

Weeks past by like a dream, only fast and confusing, and Taekwoon has never felt so uncomfortable at work and at home. He doesn't see Wonshik often since he's cooped up in his studio or out for business but when he does, there is a subtly silence that was around the two like never before. Taekwoon remembered what he said when he was drunk and it must've made Wonshik angry that he implied that he would choose Jaehwan. 

He has been trying to not interact more than necessary with Jaehwan, which made him look a bit bitter towards him. Hakyeon noticed this and on their break, he asked if he and the redhead could talk privately in the staff room. 

"What?" Taekwoon asked bluntly, looking at Hakyeon. 

"You know what's up. Why are you avoiding our new waiter?" Hakyeon sat on the black metal seat and crossed his arms around his chest. He looked like an angry mother.

"I don't know what you mean." Taekwoon said and avoided eye contact, he tried distracting himself with Sanghyuk's weirdly poofy coat. "I'm not..." 

Hakyeon let out an aggravated groan, "Jesus, Taekwoon. What happened? You look _more_ stressed nowadays and Jaehwan obviously knows you're avoiding him. In fact, everyone knows." 

Taekwoon was avoiding him, he wasn't good at lying. He scratched the back of his neck and felt the back of his hair grew a little. "It's nothing, really..." He took a small peek at Hakyeon and saw that he looked angry. His eyebrows were scrunched, his mouth was in a small frown, his eyes looked directly at him as if he were burning holes through him and most of all...he tapped his index finger on his arm as they were crossed like he was losing his patience. "Augh, fine. Just let me lock the door, the others don't have their break in awhile right?" 

Hakyeon nodded silently and the redhead trudged to the door to lock it and came back. He proceeded to pull the chair out from under the table and by the older man. He sat on it, they were sitting next to each other, shoulder to shoulder before Hakyeon looked at him and he looked back with sorrow in his eyes. "Spill it, I don't like my children fighting." 

Taekwoon sighed. Hakyeon was the only one who knew he and Wonshik were dating but even if he did know, it was still difficult to explain the situation. He didn't even know what was going on himself. "Jaehwan likes Wonshik." The older man's eyes widened a bit. His arms were now uncrossed. "I—...I don't think I can compete." 

Hakyeon raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean? Why do you even need to compete? If he loved you, you wouldn't need to." 

"Well, I feel like they're closer than me and him." 

The brunette waited for him to continue talking.

"They were childhood bestfriends from what the two told me. Jaehwan moved back from America." Taekwoon bit his bottom lip between his teeth before letting go. "When they met again...I saw Wonshik checking him out." 

"Hmm...had Wonshik gone to the restaurant when I was away?" 

"They met at a store when we were shopping together. I remember his eyes widening when he looked up and down at Jaehwan. He's never done that before and...I felt weird." The brunette didn't say anything and just listened. "Then Jaehwan invited me out for a drink on his first day weeks ago. He told me he had been drinking and with Wonshik I think. Wonshik told him that he was single at first but then changed his mind..." 

The brunette felt a strange sense of sadness for his fellow co-owner. 

"I asked him if he thinks Wonshik likes him back...and he said 'I think he does' then he wants me to find out if he does. I think they're even texting whenever I b-barely see him." 

Hakyeon frowned, he was now quiet and peacefully still. He pat Taekwoon on his broad shoulder before pulling him in for a side hug. He was stuttering, and he only stuttered when he was truly hurt but couldn't express his feelings in words. "Wonshik...do you believe that he'll be loyal to you?" 

"Honestly..." Taekwoon felt like the older male hugging him was one of the very few he could talk to without lying, "I don't think he would. Jaehwan is everything I'm not. He's smart, charming, funny, cute, and talented." 

Hakyeon's frown deepened, "You're all of those things, Taekwoon. You cut yourself too short, I'm sure you just need to tell him what you're feeling." 

The redhead pressed his lips together in a straight line before speaking again, this time with flushing red cheeks. "I kinda did, I asked him if he'd choose Jaehwan over me when I was drunk after drinking with Jaehwan." Taekwoon strong facade was slowly breaking, he felt almost like crying but he wasn't like that. He doesn't cry and show it. "Him and I aren't talking that much after I asked that. Do you think he's mad?" 

The older male looked at him, confused, "Of course not. He wouldn't be mad at you for being a bit curious or jealous, he should feel _honored_." 

"Flattery with get you nowhere." The younger man laughed. "But thanks for listening."

Hakyeon had a faint smile on his now calm face. "Thanks for talking to me about this. I know how you are and if I didn't practically force you then you'd have to deal with this by yourself." The brunette sighed, his arm around Taekwoon's shoulder shook his body back and forth a bit. "Oh, my Daeguni! When you're done with this drama, how about finding me a man or woman?" 

Taekwoon hit his neck and had a soft smile on his face. "Sure, mom." 

"Hmm..." Hakyeon suddenly lit up, Taekwoon could imagine a lightbulb hovering over his brown hair, "How about staying at my place tomorrow after work here? It _would_ Friday after all! We can have a sleepover, like how we always did in middle school." Taekwoon nodded in approval. He wasn't doing anything on Friday, Wonshik barely talked to him and he was probably busy anyway.

"Sounds good." 

"Now, go and stop avoiding Jaehwan. I don't have advice for you _yet_ because you know how slow my brain is, but when I find a way I'll tell you!" They both stood up and Hakyeon ushered the younger man out the room before shutting the door. 

Hakyeon took a seat on the black, metal chair and had his fists clenched. "That damn Wonshik, if he hurts Taekwoon..." 

-

"Taekwoon hyung." The redhead jumped at the voice calling his name. He recognized that voice and was scared to turn around. "Can we talk?" 

He turned around anyway and saw Jaehwan staring directly at his eyes. "Okay." 

It was about closing time and everyone else left besides them. Jaehwan and Taekwoon sat at a table in the back. "I don't want to be too forward but...why are you avoiding me?" Jaehwan asked, some of his blonde hair barely reaching his eyes. 

Goddamnit, he'd have to have another talk again. He was planning to talk to Jaehwan at some point but not today. Not after his talk with Hakyeon. Not after his memories of his own boyfriend checking the man out for far too long at a stupid grocery store. He shut himself up and decided to 'man up', "It's not like that." _Man up, huh? I'm just lying again._ He wanted to punch himself.

"What wrong then?" The blonde asked.

Taekwoon sighed, "I was just busy. And I'm usually like that around...new people." He looked out the window onto the dark streets and the cafe down the street. "I'm not good around new employees." 

Jaehwan stayed quiet for a quick moment before speaking, "Oh! I see," He grinned, "I thought you were avoiding me because...you liked Wonshik." Taekwoon's blood ran cold and he swallowed down his anxiety. He turned his head and looked directly at the younger man. "You don't, do you?" 

Taekwoon gulped.

_"I love you, I truly do. But...I have one condition before we date." Wonshik frowned and tightly gripped onto Taekwoon's warm hands. "I don't think I'm ready to have my sexuality out in the public yet so can we keep us dating a secret?"_

_At first, the redhead was confused. But then Wonshik started talking again, "I know it's an unfair request but I really hope you understand." Wonshik was scared of the public knowing he was dating a male, which is pretty normal in Korea. Especially since he's at a high point in his career where he's writing and producing some of the greatest hits. Taekwoon nodded._

_"But if someone asks if you're dating anyone...promise me you'll say you are?" Taekwoon asked sheepishly. Wonshik smiled._

_"Of course, I know you can't publicly claim me as yours but I want people to know I belong to someone, even if they don't know the amazing person who I love with all my heart." The younger man said, solemnly and kissed him on the forehead before pulling him in for a hug. Taekwoon's face was turning a light shade of red as he wrapped his arms around the other man. "Thank you." Wonshik mumbled._

"Hyung?" Jaehwan voice took him out from his memories and snapped him back to reality. The blonde's face looked deadly confused. "Are you feeling okay?" 

Taekwoon looked at him. "I'm fine, just thought of something." Jaehwan and Taekwoon sat in silence in the back of the closed restaurant. "I...don't like Wonshik." Technically, the redhead wasn't lying. He _loved_ Wonshik. Jaehwan let out a huge sigh of relief and color immediately came back to him. Taekwoon almost wanted to punc-tap the hell out of Jaehwan. 

"Thank god..." The blonde sat back in his seat. "Then...would you help me out?" 

"Is this what you were talking about a few weeks ago?" The older man asked. He nodded in reply. The redhead sighed before getting up, "I'm gonna make myself a latte. Want one?" Jaehwan decided to accept the offer for some drinks. 

Taekwoon walked to the kitchen and turned on the light. After getting all the supplies, he started making some drinks for the two. He needed a small break from it all. He needed to relax a bit. Why not make coffee? He felt a set of eyes staring at him, and at that moment, he wished that people couldn't see into the kitchen area. "Ice latte or normal latte?" He asked. 

"Normal..." Jaehwan replied. His chin was resting on his palm, his elbow on the table as he observed the older man from the back table. After Taekwoon finished their drinks, he went back to the table and gave one to the younger man. They both took a sip and Taekwoon had a faint—almost nonexistent—smile on his face. 

"Talk." Taekwoon simply said. He wondered if that sounded rude, and was about to apologize but was cut off. 

"If you could...'strengthen' me and Wonshik's relationship, I'd really appreciate it." Jaehwan mumbled, his usually loud voice was for once in a calm and quiet whisper. He sheepishly scratched the back of his neck, his fingers barely touching the blonde hair. He started talking a bit louder the second time around. "Please help, hyung." 

Taekwoon didn't really want to help. He just didn't find it amusing to find out whether his boyfriend loves someone else. He really didn't want to. He didn't want to stay there. He would've preferred to be drinking a latte alone at home with the tv switched on to the Discovery Channel. "I'm not sure I can help that much...I'm sure he has other friends you could ask." He looked away and took another quiet sip of his latte awkwardly. "There must be many, knowing his outgoing personality." 

"You're his roommate, I'm sure he'd tell you the _truth_." Jaehwan replied, eyes dead set on him. 

"How are you so sure?" The redhead put his cup of coffee down and held his other arm with his hand, legs crossed. 

"At the super market, you guys were together. He even grabbed you by the arm and pulled you towards us again. You guys must be close." The younger male nodded as if to say he's 100% sure. "And you guys _ARE_ living together. I thought you two were dating at first because I saw that you both have diamond bracelets." 

Taekwoon's eyes widened. He tried his hardest not to put his head down and look between his knees while turning completely red. He touched the diamond bracelet under the sleeve of his black sweater under the table. "How...how would I help you?"

Jaehwan's eyes lit up. "Glad you asked! I already got it planned out." The blonde ran a hand through his hair before sitting up and putting both elbows on the table, leaning forward a bit. "Everyday, I'll text you what to say. I'll text subtle hints of me liking him and then I'll send you questions to ask him. I'll make sure the questions aren't obvious that I like him." Taekwoon stayed quiet. He brought up Jaehwan ONCE and now, the two haven't talked in awhile. 

"I don't know if I will be able to do it..." Taekwoon mumbled under his breath. He was dating Wonshik, surely Wonshik wouldn't tell him jack shit unless he wants to get beat up because of cheating. 

"I'll let you think about it." Jaehwan smiled warmly and stood up, grabbing his latte. "Let's go hyung, I'll lock up since I decided to hold you back and waste your spare time again." 

As they walked to the door, Taekwoon waved a simple goodbye. "Thanks for not ignoring me!" He heard Jaehwan shout behind him as he walked the opposite direction. He had a car but he just preferred walking, taking a deep breath, and clearing his heavy mind. He also didn't take his car to work, only when he truly needed it. 

When he turned the corner, he squatted down and covered his face with his arms which rested on his knees, leaning back on the brick wall close by. He was on an empty street so he didn't give a fuck about who saw him. All he wanted now was to see Wonshik, to _feel_ him. 

-

When Wonshik walked through the front door and closed it behind him, hand in hair, he felt warm arms embrace his body. Fluffy red hair blinded part of his vision. His eyes widened a bit and he thought he was gonna jump out of his skin in surprise. He took the hand that was ruffling his white hair out and hugged back, tightly. He took a deep breathe, the redhead smelled like he just got out of the shower but his hair was dry. The fruity scent made him melt in the embrace. The older male leaned his head on shoulder, his face cuddling into a comfortable position. 

"Taekwoon..." Wonshik softly whispered, his voice calming and deep. It's been so long since they've touched. Even on the bed, they laid far. But now, it seemed perfect. Wonshik felt at home once again in the arms of his precious Taekwoon. 

Taekwoon hugged him tighter when he heard his name being whispered in his ear. _"Wonshik..."_ He let out a needy whine. 

Chills shot down Wonshik's spine. The back of his hairs stood up on his neck and he slowly pulled Taekwoon off to look at his face. Taekwoon looked back. The older male's face looked sad, his cat-like eyes stared directly at his eyes. His eyes are lustful, Wonshik could feel it. Slowly, the redhead fluttered his eyes shut and pressed his lips onto the younger man's. 

Feeling Taekwoon's soft lips after so long made Wonshik groan, wanting more. No, _needing_ more. They shared a slow and passionate kiss before Taekwoon moaned into his mouth, which turned Wonshik on even more. Lustful Taekwoon was so different to his hamster Taekwoon. Wonshik snapped and licked at Taekwoon's bottom lip, nibbling a bit while he was at it. The older man opened his mouth, inviting Wonshik to slide his tongue in. Taekwoon pressed Wonshik against the door behind him, pinning him down between his arms. 

They fought for dominance. When Wonshik wouldn't give up, Taekwoon gave in and gave him full control. He felt Wonshik roam in his mouth with his hot tongue and he swallowed back a moan. His left hand was going to unbutton the younger man's white shirt. His right hand was in Wonshik's white, soft hair. He loved his white hair, it looked amazing on him. Wonshik's hands were busy squeezing the older male's ass, which made the redhead push himself more on him. He groaned everytime Wonshik would teasingly pull on the rim of his jeans.

Taekwoon broke the kiss, a string of saliva was from his pink lips to Wonshik's tongue. They were both panting, holding each other close. "Bed." He ordered, and pulled the younger male's arm. When they reached the bed, the redhead gave him a quick kiss before pushing his lover on the bed and getting on top of him. 

With lightening speed, he went down and sucked on all of Wonshik's sensitive spots on his neck. He made _sure_ to leave plenty of hickeys and he palmed the younger male's dick through his jeans. 

"It feels good..." Wonshik was a mess, the man in front of him made him extremely excited. They share another heated kiss. Taekwoon ran his hand up and down the abs that his lover had when he finished unbuttoning, not once disconnecting their lips. While Taekwoon was sitting on Wonshik's lap, trying not to put all his weight on the male, he felt the man laying beneath him having a hard-on. Their lips disconnected and Wonshik sat up, his legs over the edge of the bed. He, then, attacked Taekwoon's neck with kisses and nibbles. 

The way their dicks accidentally touched when they were still clothed made Taekwoon let out small groans and grab onto his lover's white hair. He started grinding and moving his hips, making their hard-ons rub together and both moaned in ecstasy. Taekwoon decided to use his voice for a good use, Wonshik always said that he had a beautiful voice. 

The redhead placed his mouth by Wonshik's pierced ear and leaned close in, his breath hitching. He let out a long and desperate moan while still grinding their dicks together through their pants. He nibbled on his ear and whispered his name. 

Taekwoon felt two hands grab his waist roughly and sat him down completely on the younger man's lap. Wonshik's hard dick was up against his ass, wanting some relief. "You're such a goddamn tease when you want to be one." Wonshik smirked and took the older man's lips in his. Wonshik fumbled in trying to unbutton his lover's jeans, but after a short struggle, he unzipped the zipper and started taking his pants off. Taekwoon helped and when they were officially off, Wonshik threw them in a random corner. Taekwoon's long sweater still covered his briefs. 

Taekwoon stopped the younger man from unzipping his pants, and got off his lap onto the floor to kneel in front of him. Both his hands are on Wonshik's plump thighs and he used his mouth to slowly pull the zipper down, then grabbed the hem of his black jeans and pulled it down to his knees. Taekwoon kissed Wonshik's pleasantly big dick through his boxers. The younger male almost trembled from the sight. He pulled the black boxers off to reveal his lover's major hard-on. Wonshik looked embarassed, which made Taekwoon smirk. 

Taekwoon closed his eyes and from the bottom up, he licked and sucked. When he reached the head of his penis, he sucked the slit. He heard pleasing groans from the other man as he took the dick in his mouth and started bobbing his head up and down. He used his hands to the stroke Wonshik's member when he couldn't completely reach the bottom of his dick. He started going deeper and deeper each time he bobbed his head. The sight of Taekwoon's pink lips wrapping around his dick could make him come, but he controls the urge.

Taekwoon was often told he had a gift with his mouth from his lovers (and the gift is not talking or singing :^) ). When he reached the bottom of Wonshik's pretty huge member, he tried not to gag because that isn't really a turn on. His eyes started watering but he quickly shut them when he felt hands in his red hair, gripping tightly. He moaned as Wonshik's length was in his mouth, sending ecstasy through the younger man's whole body. "I'm about to come, Taekwoon..." He said between moans. 

Before he could, though, Taekwoon removed his mouth from the member. The redhead pushed him back further on the bed. He let out a whine and watched as Taekwoon completely took off his pants along with his boxers and threw them in some random direction before taking off his sweater and briefs. Wonshik pulled him close from his waist and once again, Taekwoon sat on his lap with Wonshik's hard dick pressing against his ass. He grabbed the younger male's member and guided it to his pink hole. "No lube?" Wonshik asked, kissing his lover's chest. 

"I...I already prepared..." Taekwoon mumbled, his face reddening each second. Wonshik felt his heart skip a beat. No, not one beat, 100 beats. He was about to say something before he felt his dick slowly being surrounded by a warm cavern. Taekwoon let out moans and unintentionally dug his nails in the other man's back as he felt his asshole being stretched. Wonshik groaned. 

"God, you're so tight." Wonshik whispered in his ear. Taekwoon felt shivers down his spine as he went down further until Wonshik was completely filling him up, each space and nook complete. The younger male's hand gripped onto the redhead's waist, probably leaving bruises for tomorrow. 

Wonshik waited for the older male to adjust before helping him bounce on his own dick. The sight was absolutely erotic. Taekwoon was a moaning mess as he started going up and down on Wonshik's member, his head thrown back and his bottom lip being bitten between his teeth. Wonshik couldn't take it anymore. 

He pushed Taekwoon down and under him, "D-don't take it out..." Taekwoon whined. Wonshik put the tip of his dick onto Taekwoon entrance before thrusting into him, making the older male let out cry of pleasure. He continued to thrust into him. Each time going almost completely out, then pounding deeply into him again. 

After a couple of failed attempts, he finally found Taekwoon's prostate. Each thrust, movement, and energy lost hit Taekwoon's favorite spot and made him only clench harder around Wonshik's dick. He moaned his lover's name continuously. Wonshik started kissing and nibbling on his neck, his hands roaming the other male's body until he felt Taekwoon's hard dick and starting pumping it. 

"I'm- ah, gonna come!" Taekwoon panted, he couldn't think anymore. 

"Come for me," Wonshik said, he started thrusting faster. "Let's come together." Wonshik felt _so_ good.

Both men felt at high peak. Taekwoon came first with a loud cry, white cum was on his stomach and Wonshik's hand. Wonshik came inside and the redhead felt warm liquid spilling out from his asshole as his lover rode out his climax. With a pleasured sigh, he took out his member and watched as cum dripped down from Taekwoon's entrance. Wonshik almost got hard but he felt bad if Taekwoon was exhausted. He was getting up to get a wet towel before the redhead grabbed his arm. "W-we aren't gonna have another round?" Wonshik snapped and tackled Taekwoon back to bed. 

-

They both laid in bed, sticky and gross with sweat. The tension was almost magically lifted from them. Almost. Taekwoon covered every body part below his nose with the white cover, even if he was sweating and hot. He'll wash the sheets and blankets later. Wonshik only had everything below his chest covered. The moonlight washed in through the balcony glass in their shared room. 

Taekwoon let out a soft sigh, relaxing his body. Jaehwan popped up in his mind once again. Would Wonshik ever hold Jaehwan like he did with him? Would he shower him with passionate kisses, too? Taekwoon swallowed the lump in his throat before turning to his side and looking at his lover next to him, admiring his side profile. His eyes peeked over the covers and he was thankful his small frown was hidden. 

Wonshik felt him staring. If looks can kill, he would've been dead the first time they met. He, too, turned over and looked at the older male with his head resting on his palm as he had his elbows on the pillow he was laying on earlier. They both stared at each other quietly before Wonshik leaned down and kissed Taekwoon on the forehead, he smiled while doing so. Then, proceeding to remove the blanket from the other half of his face when—

"I love you." Taekwoon blurted out, his face flushing red. He tried retreating back under the covers but the younger male's laughter caught his attention. 

Wonshik had a big goofy grin on his face, "I love you, too. I love you, way _more_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, author's notes time. 
> 
> I wanted to thank everyone for the kudos and comments, I really appreciate them. Also, a comment stood out to me. A very kind person said "I could imagine everything." and that made me so happy. My goal in writing anything is to make it like the story is a _movie_. Whoever commented that, thank you a lot. 
> 
> ANYWAY, first time writing VIXX smut. Yes, I know I'm shit at writing smut. I'm only a child, I'll get better. Chapter five is cooking and about to be ready to be served! ;^) Thanks for reading everyone!


	5. Can't Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ” I like you,  
> I don’t wanna be just friends  
> Everytime I look at you I keep wanting you to myself  
> You just keep saying thank you to me  
> Never say  
> What will happen to me  
> If I do confess at last  
> I think I know your answer  
> So I just keep getting sadder ” 
> 
> VIXX - CAN'T SAY

"Are you sure it's okay?" Wonshik asked, his hands were gently going through the red hair. 

"I'll only be a few minutes late, I'm sure it'll be fine. Just a little more time with you..." Taekwoon mumbled, hugging the male tighter. 

"You're awfully lovey-dovey this morning." The younger man laughed and kissed his forehead, his hand removed the hair from his eyes. "I really love your red hair, it suits you." 

"Silver hair looks really good on you, too." Taekwoon smiled. 

He heard his lover's phone beep, it vibrates in the front pockets of his grey sweats. Wonshik grinned brightly when he pulled out his phone and took a look to see who was messaging him. Taekwoon watched him, his grin never leaving as he started typing. Who was texting him? Was it Jaehwan? They _have_ been texting for a few weeks... He gulped. 

"Sorry about that." Wonshik said in a happy—almost annoying—tone and shielded the screen away from the older male's gaze. 

"I'm gonna start getting to work." Taekwoon sighed, pushing the other man off of him and walking into the bathroom. He locked the door and looked into the mirror at his milky white skin that was marked with red. _Great, covered with hickeys._ He actually really loved hickeys because they're like the temporary tattoo of love. 

He'll have to button up his shirt all the way today. He looked closer in the mirror and noticed that he had some under eye bags, along with a deep frown. Maybe Wonshik wasn't talking to Jaehwan. Maybe Taekwoon was just not trusting his lover because he's an asshole who doesn't believe in people. 

He thought low of himself, he always has. His hands rested on the edges of the sink counter, he glared at himself in the mirror with his sharp, cat-like eyes. "Just calm down, I'm sure it was someone else." 

-

After arriving at work, he was greeted by Hakyeon who complained how he had to be alone in the restaurant because the man was late. The redhead placed his scarf in his locker while Hakyeon leaned on the door leading to the staff room. 

"You're not showing off your collarbones today?" The brunette asked, pointing to his neatly buttoned up white shirt. He usually had two button open on his white shirts because the one thing he was proud of was his collarbones.

"Not today, it's cold." Taekwoon simply replied after shutting his locker and fixing his sleeves that rolled up to his elbows. His diamond bracelet shined brightly in the light. 

"Suuuuuure." Hakyeon laughed, "To me, it seems like you made up with your baby Wonshik. Showing off your diamond bracelet like that!" 

"Hakyeon!" Taekwoon's face heated up, turning his cheeks lightly red as he ran to the older man and hit his neck. The brunette laughed and hit him back, afterwards ruffling his red hair. They both heard the bell on the door ring, indicating someone coming but didn't care as they were messing each other's hair up.

"You guys sure are touchy this morning." Yixing laughed, walking into the staff room and putting his coat on the hanger on the wall. 

"He started it." Taekwoon quickly said and detached himself from the older man. The brunette laughed. 

-

Wonshik had no idea why his lover rushed out so quickly from the covers. Maybe it was because he was late but was he mad? He was surprised when Taekwoon used his seducing skills on him the night prior, but he was glad he did. It was one of the rare moments when Taekwoon would initiate sex. He'd usually try to make up with Wonshik by calling him late at night and coming to his studio with mountains of delicious food, the apology waiting at the end. Not like they were in a fight anyway. _Wait, were we?_

He still wondered why Taekwoon decided to bring up Jaehwan that one late night. It didn't make Wonshik mad, it made him...guilty. Made him guilty that he hesitated to answer. Made him guilty by remembering the time things almost got too far with him and the blonde. Made him guilty by looking at his lover's beautifully peaceful face as he slept, the moon shining through the window. He felt a bit uncomfortable from the guilt so he didn't start or try to start any conversations with the older man. 

But it did give him more time to text Jaehwan back. 

They're been messaging back and forth, talking about random things sometimes and about their day. Usually, Jaehwan would complain that he was exhausted from the many consumers in the restaurant he worked at. The blonde refused to tell him what restaurant he worked at unless they meet up. It felt nice talking to Jaehwan, even if he replied way too quickly for comfort. He even sent him funny stickers and memes. 

_From: Kenjumma_

_SOMEBODY TOUCHA MY SPAGHET._

He could almost hear the older man say that as if he was standing in front of him, which made him burst out laughing when he got the text. Even though Jaehwan acted like nothing happened like Wonshik had asked for, he still felt a bit peeved every time Jaehwan would act totally normal. He didn't know why he felt bitter, but he just did. 

Wonshik's day consisted of him humming to himself or playing random notes on his keyboard until he found a good beat he could eventually remake to a hit song on his computer in his studio. Usually, he wrote songs dedicated to Taekwoon. Sad songs for when they would argue. Lovey songs for when Taekwoon showed as much affection as Wonshik shows him. He decided to try an upbeat song today, but Taekwoon wasn't the one he thought about while figuring out the simple beat. He thought about Jaehwan. 

At first, he thought it was weird how he was making a funky song by thinking of the blonde. But they were friends, so it was pretty normal...right? Whatever, it was his music anyway. 

His phone lit up and he grabbed the device, squinting at the screen. 

_From: Bean_

_Hey, wanna go out tonight? I'm finally free after all the promotions for my new album!_

Wonshik quickly looked at his calendar to see if he was busy or not and then typed a short yes. 

-

"Hongbin, there you are!" Wonshik playfully hit the younger man. "I haven't seen you in forever." He took sat by him on the black seat of the bar. 

"Y'know, the songs you write aren't exactly the easiest to remember. Such complicated lyrics!" Hongbin chuckled. "Oh, I hope you don't mind but I invited someone else too. I bet you won't mind."

"Hmm, who is it?" The older man asked, eyebrows raised. 

Hongbin smiled, his cute dimples showing, "You'll find out when he arrives." Wonshik just sighed. They were currently at a private club, only celebrities. Taekwoon works a few days here, but today he's off. Actually, Taekwoon never told him where he was going. 

"How's the fame? Do you enjoy it?" Wonshik had asked.

Hongbin frowned a bit, "Well, I do miss my privacy, my loyal fans make up for it. But..." 

Wonshik raised an eyebrow, "But what?" 

"Recently, I met a very _interesting_ fan." Hongbin smirked. 

"Hongbin, you're looking so smug right now." Wonshik laughed, "What happened with her?" 

"Him, Wonshik." The younger male corrected. "We had a one night stand, sadly." 

Wonshik knew that Hongbin was bisexual, ever since highschool. He was always popular with boys and girls, both equal. "Why do you say 'sadly'? I thought you never cared about love." 

"Well, he was really interesting," Hongbin smiled sincerely, "His name was Sanghyuk. He told me that he wanted to be an idol." 

"Hm," Wonshik hummed in acknowledgement. He wasn't sure how to respond. His usual happy friend was looking a bit down. 

"I don't think he'll still be my fan after what I did." Hongbin laughed, "I think I was a bit too rough." 

"I did _not_ need to hear that part!" Wonshik squirmed. Hongbin was back to normal.

They talked a bit more about random things before Hongbin's eyes widened and his smile looked wider.

"Ah, he's here!" The younger man chirped. 

Wonshik turned around and saw familiar blonde hair on an oh-so familiar face. Jaehwan. Those tight black trousers looked so good on him. "Sorry for being late guys." Jaehwan sheepishly smiled.

"Whoa, you didn't tell me you're gonna hang with us." Wonshik chuckled.

"Would you want me to leave, then?" 

"No!" Wonshik replied, a little _too_ quickly. Hongbin and Jaehwan looked at him. "No, it'll be fun with the three of us. Just like how it was in highschool." 

"Agreed." Hongbin said, scooting over to make room for the new guest. "I didn't know that clubbers could invite friends here until I asked." 

"I didn't know either." Wonshik smiled. He saw an unreadable expression on Jaehwan's face with the wide smile he had. 

This was just intuition but Wonshik felt like Jaehwan was planning to say something. Say something that may hurt him.

-

"Wait, I have to take this call. It's from my manager." Hongbin had said before standing and up leaving to answer his ringing phone. 

It was just Jaehwan and Wonshik now. Both of them didn't drink in fear of work the next day. It wasn't awkward, just silent as they stared into the crowd of people. Wonshik thought about the kiss again, much to his demise. It had been itching at his mind. He wasn't the unloyal type, but when he thinks about Jaehwan's plump lips on his, he wants to attack him. _Oh god, what have I become? He's my childhood friend! You have a boyfriend, Wonshik!_

Hongbin ran back to them and looked a bit like a mess.

"What happened?" Jaehwan asked. 

"My— my manager called and told me I got the main role I auditioned for! I have to go and discuss this with her, sorry to leave you guys so early!" He excitedly grabbed his coat and sprinted out of the club. 

Wonshik and Jaehwan laughed at how excited their friend was. 

There was a comfortable silence lingering among the two men again as they drank their water and watched the dance floor. 

"Wanna dance?" Jaehwan smiled, standing up from his seat. 

Wonshik bit his lip for a moment, "I'm not a good dancer." He answered. 

"Wonshik, you're the best!" Jaehwan's sincere smile never left his face. 

Wonshik flushed a bit red but grinned and ran to the dance floor after Jaehwan. 

There were multiple celebrities with their friends. People were grinding on each other, bodies close and hearts even closer. 

"It's been awhile since we've danced." Wonshik stated, "Since your last birthday party we spent together." 

"Yeah, that was great!" Jaehwan grabbed the younger man's hands in his own, "You're still the best dancer I know." 

Wonshik swallowed down his guilt and smiled. He lightly tugged at Jaehwan to move a bit faster and closer. The small shouts yelling at him in the back of his head was blocked out by the pounding music. "Thank you. You aren't so shabby yourself." He spun Jaehwan as far as he could but in a crowd of twerking human beings, you'd only get an inch away from your dancing partner.

Jaehwan laughed and pulled himself closer, holding Wonshik's waist. "Wonshik." 

The brunette felt something push him closer, maybe a hand pushing him forward. When his chest bumped into Jaehwan's, he laughed and pushed himself back. "Sorry!" When he saw the gloomy expression on the blonde's face, he furrowed his eyebrows. "What's wrong?" 

"Wonshik," Jaehwan looked up at his eyes. "I love you." 

Wonshik's heart dropped, his blood quickened, and his mouth went dry. "Um, I love you, too?" He said, confusion evident in his voice. 

"Not like that." The older man grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him in for a kiss, "Like that." 

Then, he kissed Wonshik again.

-

"Sorry, is it too loud right now?" Sanghyuk yelled, putting a finger into his right ear as he holds the phone. 

"Nah, can you see us fine?" Hakyeon asked through the phone, waving at the screen. 

"Taekwoon-hyung, scoot a little bit closer!" The youngest laughed. Taekwoon's red, fluffy hair was peaking through at the corner. 

"Got it." Taekwoon scooted by Hakyeon, their shoulders touching now. 

Hakyeon and Taekwoon were currently hanging out at Hakyeon's house and Sanghyuk was at a private club. They're video chatting because Hyuk wanted to join the two older men in their sleep over but he had plans with one of his friends. "Look at this, it's so crowded!" He flipped the camera and showed the large crowd. 

"Where's the guy you had a one night stand with?" Taekwoon put his face close to the camera and squinted to see the crowd. 

Sanghyuk laughed, "Hyung, his name is Lee Hongbin and it was only a night." 

"Not the way you talked about him the day after." Taekwoon said and backed away from the camera so Hakyeon could speak. 

"Sanghyuk, break it down!" The oldest cheered. 

"I'm not even on the dance floor yet!" 

"Go, Sanghyuk! Go, Sanghyuk!" The two chanted. 

"Oh fine." 

Sanghyuk ran into the crowd with the camera and started to dance his ass off. He heard his two friends on the other side laugh when they saw him dab. After a few more cringey dance moves, he got out of the crowd and sat down at a seat at the bar. "What're you two oldies doing at home?" Sanghyuk asked, a bit out of breathe. 

"I'm not that old." Hakyeon reminded.

"We're just eating some chips and talking." Taekwoon answered. 

"Oooooh, any gossip?" Sanghyuk wiggled his smug eyebrows. 

"Nah, y'know we only gossip with you, Hyukkie." Hakyeon flipped his non-existent long hair. 

"Aw, I'm honored, hyung."

Sanghyuk smiled. The three talked for awhile before Sanghyuk gasped loudly. "I see Jaehwan!" 

"Huh?" The other two looked at each other before at Sanghyuk.

"He's dancing with someone," Sanghyuk awed, "He looks like he's having fun." 

Taekwoon pressed his lips together in a thin line and stayed quiet. Wonshik had been out that night, too. "Who's he with?" Hakyeon asked. 

"Don't know, but he looks really in love. I can't see the person he's dancing with, though. I can only see the arm around Jaehwan." The youngest said. "Hyung, should I go be Cupid for tonight?" 

"What do you mean?"

"Kinda wanna go see who the guy is..." Sanghyuk evilly smiled at the camera. "I'm gonna go get them a little closer." 

Taekwoon watched as Sanghyuk started to move towards the dance floor and he couldn't see much besides people pushing the camera around. There was just loud music along with some sounds of laughter or horrible singers coming from the other side but he couldn't see a specific face in the crowded area from the phone. 

It was a while before Sanghyuk came back. "I just pushed the guy together onto Jaehwan and now they're kissing!" Sanghyuk screeched. 

"HYUKKIE!" Hakyeon fangirled, "Did you see the dude?" 

"I don't recognize him but I'm pretty sure he's a popular music producer!" Sanghyuk screamed into the phone. Taekwoon's face paled even further and he watched color drain out of Hakyeon's. 

"What?" Hakyeon asked. 

"I can't remember his name exactly but—" Sanghyuk looks directly into the camera at the two older men, "He has silver hair!"

Taekwoon wanted to scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I got a chance to update! I've been a bit busy but after hearing about VIXX's comeback in April, I'm so so SO excited. :^) Please continue to support our beautiful babies and thank you so much for reading!


	6. Words To Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _”In case you grew far away, in case you disappeared_  
>  I pretended not to see and closed my eyes  
> You were in love with someone else  
> But I just wanted you to stay by my side”  
> VIXX LR (LEO'S SOLO) - Words to Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: THERE MAY BE MAJOR AND DUMB SPELLING ERRORS. I'M SORRY.

_”Sorry if my voice cracks,” Wonshik worried, ”I'm kind of nervous.”_

_Taekwoon warmly smiled at him, which was something that he had a difficult time doing with others, and with his soft spoken voice, he said ”You'll do great.”_

_Wonshik felt like his heart skipped another beat. And another. Each time Taekwoon spoke to him, it would beat loudly like drums. Every time Taekwoon would smile at him, it would send pleasant shivers down his spine. He was engulfed by Taekwoon._

_So, with his guitar in his hand, he started strumming the chords which slightly reverberated on the light colored wood. ”I persuade you to play badminton with me,” He started, ”I call you out for a cup of coffee.”_

_Taekwoon had recognized the song almost immediately. Wonshik was singing The Flowers by Busker Busker. ”I persuade you to talk a walk around town,”_

_Taekwoon's heart fluttered._

_”But you never say yes or no.” Wonshik's voice was low and perfect. Everything was perfect. The way he strung the notes with his rough hands, even though he would sometimes strum the wrong chord, and the way the words slipped from his tongue. ”The flowers, the flowers, yes, yes. They have bloomed.” Wonshik repeated two times._

_”The countless people on the streets, the people on that street.” Wonshik sang, ”Yes, how am I special to you?”_

_Taekwoon looked at Wonshik, who looked a bit nervous. ”That's the hard part. That's the hard part—that's...the hard part.” Taekwoon was confused when the younger man put the guitar down. ”Will you please go out with me, Taekwoon-ssi?”_

_What? The older man was sure surprised. He knew that they both had feelings for each other but Wonshik asking him out so cutely made him smile._

_”Wonshik,” Taekwoon playfully hit him on the shoulder and wrapped his arms around Wonshik's waist, snuggling his head into the crook of his shoulder. ”Of course, I'll love you for an eternity.”_

-

”S-” Taekwoon grabbed the phone out of Hakyeon's hands. ”Sanghyuk!” 

”Hyung, no need to scream. I'm excited too—”

”Take a picture!” Taekwoon desperately yelled, ”Of them, take one!”

”Calm down, Taekwoon.” Hakyeon put a hand on his shoulder. 

”Why do you need a picture?” Sanghyuk asked, a bit frightened. ”Is the bleached white haired dude a criminal or what?”

”Please— just take one.” Taekwoon shrugged the hand off his shoulder, ”Just one.”

”A-alright, hyung.” He turned off the video chat to take a picture. 

Hakyeon decided that while Sanghyuk wasn't listening, he'll talk to the distressed man. 

”That...could be anyone.” Hakyeon tried to reassure him but he didn't even believe it himself, ”White hair is popular nowadays.” 

”But Hakyeon, Jaehwan likes Wonshik!” The younger man rubbed his forehead in frustration. ”This isn't happening. Wonshik...he isn't like that.”

”We don't even know if it's Wonshik!”

Taekwoon frowned. 

Hakyeon's phone lit up and a notification popped up on the screen in front of his wallpaper. Taekwoon had always wondered why Hakyeon's wallpaper was him playing with his niece but now, he didn't care. Hakyeon pressed on the message and it directed him to LINE where he opened the text, he hid the phone away from Taekwoon. 

”Did he send it?” 

”He—” Hakyeon frowned, ”Yes, he did.” 

Taekwoon pretty much attacked Hakyeon to grab his phone. He turned the screen to his face and the picture was right in his face. It wasn't the greatest picture he's ever seen. He could barely make out anyone. But he spotted two tall figures. One with blonde hair and one with white. He could see what both of them were wearing and his heart sank when he saw the white haired man. 

He was wearing a shirt Wonshik had, Wonshik's favorite plain black button up. He quietly stared at the photo. This couldn't be Wonshik, could it?

Hakyeon's ringtone pushed him out of his dazed state and he picked up the phone where he heard Sanghyuk's loud voice and he passed the phone to Hakyeon. 

Anyone could have had that shirt. Anyone could have had bleached hair that bright. Anyone could've been a musician. There was no way that was Wonshik. Right? 

He cupped his face into his hands and felt like crying. Hakyeon said something inaudible to him. He soon felt warm arms wrap around him, taking him into a tight embrace. ”Oh, daeguni...”

Taekwoon bit his lip and dropped his hands from his face, letting the long limbs wrap around Hakyeon as he felt small tears develop in the corner of his closed eyes. He hated crying. 

Taekwoon shielded his eyes with Hakyeon's shoulder and Hakyeon started to rub circles into his back in an attempt to comfort the shaky male. 

Hakyeon heard his phone ding but he didn't pick it up. 

__

_From: Hyukkie_

_”Hyung, I think I just saw Jaehwan get rejected! The man pushed him off and walked out.”_

__

-

Wonshik felt his hands tingle and his mouth dry. He couldn't do this. Even if a small voice in the back of his head was begging him to grab Jaehwan and pull him into the bathroom to fuck him, he couldn't. No, it was wrong. 

Wonshik pushed Jaehwan off of him and wiped his lips. ”I-I told you I'm dating someone! Why—”

”I love you,” Jaehwan interrupted, ”I've loved you since we were children. I love you.” 

”Jaehwan,” Wonshik pulled at his hair in frustration, ”I can't. That person....means a lot to me.” 

Jaehwan bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows. ”You love me back, you've loved me for as long as I've loved yo—” 

”I'm confused!” Wonshik said instead.

”You can leave that person!” The older man cried, ”Cheat on him if you must...because I know you love me.” 

”I love _him_ ,” Wonshik exclaimed, ”And I'm not a cheater!” 

”Him?” Jaehwan reached out and grabbed his shoulder, looking up at him with a sad expression. ”I would be okay if it was a woman...but I lost to another man?” 

”That isn't the point.” 

”Wonshik,” Jaehwan's grip on his shoulder got weaker, ”You shouldn't date him if you have feelings for me.” 

”I'm confused,” Wonshik repeated, ”You make me so confused.”

The blonde hugged the younger male, ”Sleep with me,” He desperately whispered, ”Just once, I want to feel your touch.” 

”I can't,” He replied, pushing the other off him softly, ”That person...means the world to me.” 

”I love you.”

”Jaehwan...” The younger male looked away because he knew that if he didn't, he would be sucked in by Jaehwan. His expression broke his heart and Wonshik knew he couldn't reject the blonde if they had eye contact. ”Please—”

”Who is it?” Jaehwan cried. 

”...”

”Please.” 

”I think it'd be best if I don't see you for awhile.” Wonshik grit his teeth, ”But you're my bestfriend, I still want to talk to you— but we need a break.” He wasn't going to tell Jaehwan about Taekwoon, not yet.

Wonshik turned around and walked away. He couldn't take it. He didn't want to see Jaehwan like that and he wasn't prepared to tell him anything. 

Taekwoon, he needed Taekwoon. 

-

Wonshik opens the front door and discards the key somewhere in the living room. He, then, heads straight for the bedroom and when he opens the door, the bed looked as if it hasn't had a body laid on it in weeks. Empty. The house was empty, the room was empty. 

He sighs, ruffles his lightly dyed hair, and face plants into the soft mattress. ”Dammit, if I was a remotely good guy, I would never have second guessed myself in the first place.” He mumbles into the sheets. 

Wonshik hates to admit things that were so obvious, he's stubborn, he's a _bad guy_. He knew he did the good thing, for both he and Taekwoon, but part of him wants to pick up his thrown phone on the table and call Jaehwan to apologize. 

He shouldn't even be thinking of Jaehwan in that kind of light. He does—did(?)— used to adore him as if he was a gemstone worth billions of dollars. Once Jaehwan left, he felt so alone that he tried moving on. With Taekwoon, it was quite rare for him to think of Jaehwan but he would seldom wonder how he was doing. But now that he's back, Wonshik doesn't know. 

Jaehwan was the first person he has ever fallen in love with and he does hold him dear but he has met Taekwoon and it wouldn't be fair to him if he can't even decide between his boyfriend and bestfriend. 

He loves Taekwoon, a lot actually. Even so, with the always mysterious and quite beautiful man, he had been pulled in by Jaehwan by a thin thread. His cheerful and cute nature had natural charms to it.

He groans in annoyance and wants to hit himself so hard that he passes out. 

-

”Taekwoon, stop looking at that photo.” Hakyeon scowls, grabbing his phone away from the younger man's shaking hands. ”Looking at it that long won't help the situation get better.” 

Taekwoon grabs at the phone, missing it. ”Hakyeon—”

”Snap out of it!” The older man holds a hand on his hip as he stares down at Taekwoon, who looks up at his with teary eyes. Hakyeon sighs, feeling like he's been sighing for the millionth time, and lowers his voice. ”I'm sorry for yelling, but seriously you need to snap out of this- this zombie state.”

Taekwoon frowns and snatches the older man's phone from out of his hand. ”How? My boyfriend is cheating on me.” 

”You don't even know for sure it's him—”

The redhead huffs loudly, ”You even believe it's him, it's so obvious.” He says. ”Now I'm stuck with what to do, and Hakyeon, I thought you would help me with this instead of feeding not only me, but yourself, lies.” 

Hakyeon visibly clenches his fist, ”Break up with him.” Taekwoon flinches, he knew that Hakyeon would suggest that immediately. But he can't— he possibly can't. Why? Because he's in love. He's a foolish man in deep love, so he stays silent. 

-

Hakyeon and Taekwoon got into a fight, which is rare, resulting in Taekwoon going home fuming. The argument was mostly one-sided with Hakyeon yelling at him about leaving Wonshik. The thing that caused the older man to snap was when he said he loved Wonshik. 

Taekwoon hadn't felt love for another being in years until he met Wonshik, who stole his heart quick and easy. He is Taekwoon's everything. His drug, his addiction, his air. 

When he parks in a random spot in his apartment complex's parking lot, he rested his forehead against the leather of the steering wheel and pulled out his phone from his back pocket. Taekwoon presses on his photo album and presses on the photo of Wonshik and Jaehwan that he saved from Hakyeon's phone. With intense eyes, he studies the digital photo for the billionth time that night. 

A thought crossed his mind as he stared at Jaehwan's arm wrapped around the other person's neck as their faces were close and lips were touching. _If I pretend I knew nothing,_ He pondered, _Will everything go back to normal?_

Will the jealousy bubbling in his chest go away? Will the headache go away? Will he be able to lay besides Wonshik feeling like he's good enough? 

He lets out an exasperated grunt and slams his hands on the steering wheel while looking at himself at the rearview mirror. Taekwoon was frustrated, he felt pain in his chest rising up as he takes a deep breath. 

Jealously left an acrimony-like taste in his mouth. He frowns as he rests his forehead against the leather once again, shutting his tired eyes. 

Can't he just pretend it isn't happening?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't know when I'm going to end this story. （；￣ェ￣） I don't even know how but please comment one of those numbers down below;
> 
> Choose one option: 
> 
> 1\. Wonshik ends up with Taekwoon.  
> 2\. Wonshik ends up with Jaehwan.  
> 3\. I write two endings and you guys can choose which one you would like to read.  
> There is no option for Wonshik to end up alone, so calm thyself. (⌒-⌒; ) I know some of you want wrath to Wonshikkie but that will come soon.
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT: I've also been addicted to Eau De VIXX(VIXX's new album) so make sure to give them support by watching Scentist and voting for our boys. :)  
> 


	7. Cold at Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _”The moment I’ve never even imagined_  
>  The words I’ve never even thought of  
> They’re coming to me on this cold night,  
> calling my name  
> Tears are falling  
> As if telling me that this isn’t a dream  
> The fading sight of your back  
> grows blurry and faraway.”
> 
>  
> 
> VIXX - COLD AT NIGHT

Jaehwan slams open the door to his apartment before slamming it back shut. He runs to his room, hoping for a place to calm his running mind. He was crying. He felt small sobs bubble up and spilling out of his parted lips as he holds his face. ”What— What have I done?” He shouts between his heavy cries. 

He wasn't particularly crying because Wonshik rejected him, it did hurt extremely—don't get him wrong, but it was because of how he acted. He felt ashamed, even disgusted, in his own skin. How could he have said all those things? How could he have even suggested that Wonshik cheat on someone he doesn't even know? 

Jaehwan has many friends from many different places around the world. In America, in Paris where he had stayed for a bit, in Korea. And many of them experienced a lover who they thought would treasure them forever cheat on them and Jaehwan was someone they would go to. He would see the pain in their eyes and hear the broken cries. He could obviously tell that being cheated on would hurt a hell of a lot and could scar someone, so when he realized what he said to Wonshik, he wanted to just leave. Leave Wonshik. Leave everything. He hates himself.

Jaehwan also knows he has a run-on mouth and a mind that will never stop racing but now, now he realizes he really needs to control himself. 

All Jaehwan was planning to do was confess. Just a confession. He didn't even want to hear Wonshik's reply, whether it be rejection or acceptance, but something snapped in his mind and his mouth went spitting out words again. 

Jaehwan pulls roughly at his blonde hair and bit his lip to stop the disgusting sounds coming out. He lost Wonshik once, and now he was about to lose him again. ”What's wrong with me?” He repeats a few times under his breath and grits his teeth. 

He even begged Wonshik to _sleep_ with him. Remembering his idiotic words and Wonshik's confusion in his eyes made him cry even harder. He lets go of his hair and grips onto the sides of his arms, trying his best to stop the painful sobs. He was just longing for Wonshik for years and lost control.

Wonshik probably hates him now. Not probably, definitely. Jaehwan had made a mistake, one that has ruined him. Just because he was desperate for a man who was taken. 

-

_”Wonshik, did you finish the homework that Mrs. Kang gave us?” Jaehwan asked, pushing up his glasses as he and Wonshik walk home together._

_”In class? No. Did you?” Wonshik frowned and looked at the other._

_Jaehwan laughed, ”No, and I probably won't do it today, too.”_

_”Hwannie, you rebel!” He joked._

_The two would always walk home to and from school together, joking and laughing as they bumped into each other. When their shoulders would touch as they walked, Jaehwan would always feel extreme happiness and a sense of true nirvana. He didn't know why he felt such feelings like that towards his best friend. But it didn't matter._

_That's what Jaehwan thought until he hit middle school, where everyone was experiencing love and romance. ”It's weird,” He said once while him and Wonshik were walking home together, ”Last year, we were still learning simple things like decimals and now everybody is dating like grown ups.”_

_Jaehwan noticed that Wonshik looked a bit down after he said that._

_”Do you like anyone?” He was curious, and he hadn't asked his best friend a question like that since pre-school._

_”Hmm,” The taller boy scratched the back of his neck sheepishly and adjusted his backpack strap to sit more comfortably on his slouched shoulders. ”Yes, I think I do.”_

_Jaehwan felt his heart sink and breathing halt. His blood ran cold, what? He let his mouth fall open in surprise._

_There was no way. They would always spend time together so who could have possibly stole Wonshik's heart?_

_Jaehwan felt bitter and sad but he gulped down the negative emotions. ”Oh seriously! Who?” He said, hoping to sound excited. He was genuinely curious, but he wasn't all that happy to hear that Wonshik had liked someone, he didn't know why but he just— he didn't like it._

_”Someone,” Wonshik cheekily replied and smiled at him. ”What about you? Do you like anyone?”_

_Jaehwan blinked mindlessly a couple times before looking forward and thinking._

_Did he like someone?_

_Then, he thought about Wonshik's smile at him. And the fondness in his eyes whenever he'd look at him. And the wide-mouthed smile that Wonshik had whenever Jaehwan would try his best to make him laugh. No. He didn't like someone._

_He stared at the other male for a few silent seconds before answering. ”I don't like anyone. I love someone.” Jaehwan bit his lip, was this really what love was? Maybe he just liked Wonshik as a friend and was confusing his feelings but, would that explain the rapid heart beats he has whenever he's with Wonshik? ”Ah, you know what? Nevermind.” He quickly said when he saw the pained expression Wonshik had._

_The rest of the walk home was awkward. Wonshik was acting weird while Jaehwan was just confused._

_Jaehwan had then understood why Wonshik was being like that around him during the rest of the year. Wonshik liked him didn't he? It was obvious. But why didn't he say anything?_

_While Jaehwan was pondering about Wonshik's weird behavior, he went to the kitchen to get a snack but was stopped by his father who was laying bills all around the table, nearly covering the whole surface. ”Jaehwan, we need to talk.”_

_He pulled out strawberry yogurt from the fridge and opened it as he raised an eyebrow at his father, ”What's up dad?”_

_”We need to move.”_

_”Oooh, to a new house? Where?” Jaehwan had taken a seat besides his father. ”This house has been quite old and the toilet doesn't—”_

_”No,” The elder said, ”I meant move out of the country.”_

_Jaehwan's heart sank and his grip on the plastic container of yogurt tightened. Move. Country? ”Why?” Was all he could process._

_He sighed. ”The business is going down, we can't stay here or else I'll go bankrupt and we'll live on the streets.” His father gave a saddening look at his shocked son. His father had never sugar coated things and got straight to the point. ”We need to move to America where the business will thrive.”_

_”But dad—” Jaehwan started, ”We have everything here. Mom is here— we can't leave her. A-and Wonshik!”_

_”We can always visit your mother. It's not like she'll go anywhere,” The older man laid a hand on his son's shaking shoulder. ”If she was alive, she would want us to go somewhere where you could be brought up properly. Wonshik...he could visit.”_

_Jaehwan clamped his thick lips together in a thin line. ”When are we leaving?”_

_The following week, Jaehwan had packed his bags. He told Wonshik he was leaving an hour before his flight to America, and his best friend had cried. They were standing outside of Wonshik's house._

_”Oh come on, you crybaby.” Jaehwan sadly smiled at him, ”We'll see each other again.”_

_”I'll miss you.” Was all Wonshik said between cries._

_”I—I'll miss you, too. A lot.” Jaehwan bit the inside of his cheek and tears developed in his eyes but he tried his hardest to hide them behind a small smile. ”I lov—”_

_”Jaehwan!” His father pulled up and rolled the window down. He frowned when he saw the two sad kids. ”We need to hurry before we miss the plane!”_

_Jaehwan wanted to tell Wonshik he loved him more than anything else. That Wonshik was the perfect person for him, that they fitted together like puzzle pieces. But instead, he made a decision he would regret for the rest of his life, and left without telling Wonshik his true feelings. ”I'll see you, soon.”_

_When Wonshik disappeared from sight in the car mirror, that's when Jaehwan cried. Fat globs of tears rolled down his cheeks as his father stayed silent and continued to drive._

__

-

Hakyeon lets out a huge sigh as his bottom lands onto the soft pillow lying on the floor. With the room dimly lit, he lays his head on the couch and grabs the phone besides his face. 

When he turns it on, he sees a notification from Sanghyuk that he sent a few minutes before Taekwoon had left.

__

_From: Hyukkie_

_”Hyung, I think I just saw Jaehwan get rejected! The man pushed him off and walked out.”_

__

He raises his eyebrow. ”What?” 

__

_From: Cha Mama_

_”Hyukkie, what do you mean?”_

He waits for a reply. During the time he was waiting, he looks at the silly wallpaper of Taekwoon sleeping. He felt a pang of pain in his heart. ”You're so dumb.” Hakyeon pouts and aggressively taps his finger on his phone screen, hitting the picture of the sleeping male. He was at it for a few seconds. ”You're so dumb!” He angrily whispered.

He was snapped out of his tapping daze when his phone started vibrating and he saw that Sanghyuk was face-timing him. 

”Thanks for the late reply, hyung.” Came the voice on the other side of the phone. 

Hakyeon snorts and replies with a ”No problem, Hyukkie.” 

”Where is Taekwoon-hyung?” Hyuk asks. 

”Haha, he forgot to turn off the stove at home.” Hakyeon awkwardly chuckles. Sanghyuk raises an eyebrow but doesn't question him. 

”Uncle-woon sure forgets a lot of things these days.” 

”Just tell me what happened with Jaehwan.”

”Oh yeah, right.” Sanghyuk moves away from the loud club music to speak. ”So, the dude with Jaehwan-hyung just shoved him off after hyung said something and kissed him.”

”Do you know what they were talking about?” 

”I couldn't hear very well, I mean I am in a club.” The younger male scratches his forehead as if he was thinking, ”But I think Jaehwan was confessing.”

Hakyeon's almond-shaped eyes widen slightly. ”He was _rejected_?”

”What do you think, hyung? The dude stormed out after he was kissed.” Sanghyuk retorts and giggles when he sees Hakyeon pout. 

The man, possibly Wonshik, had pushed Jaehwan off of him and took off. They did kiss but— what? The older man switches the topic, hearing enough. ”How'd you even get in there? Isn't it a celebrity club?” 

”Long story, short amount of time.” Sanghyuk sighs. 

Hakyeon tries to talk about random things like he always does to try to distract himself but the only thing that was on his mind was one question.

_Should he tell Taekwoon?_

-

Once Wonshik hears the sound of his apartment door open and close, his heart drops and his blood freezes cold. 

Wonshik has to tell him. He has to tell him everything—starting from the first kiss to his confused feelings of love towards Jaehwan to the club. When he opens the door to take a peak at the redhead, he sees him sigh as he puts on the pink house slippers.

”Taekwoon.” 

From his name being called, the older male looks up with puffy eyes. ”Wonshik?” The small doorway light was shining on the redhead's sparkling eyes which also exposed his dark eye bags. His mouth had been a frown but now it was an 'o' shape.

Wonshik immediately goes to him and cups his face in his rough hands, feeling the dry tear stains on his cheeks. ”What happened?” The elder looks at him, shocked.

Taekwoon gulps. ”What do you mean?” 

He frowns, ”You've been crying.” 

Taekwoon feels nervous sweat rolling down as he holds onto the younger male's hands. He doesn't know how to reply, he can't possibly tell him about— about _that_. He already decided that if he forgot about _it_ , it never happened. It'll probably never happen again, actually. 

”I bumped into one of the tables at work and— it really hurt.” He lies. 

Wonshik knows Taekwoon has a low pain tolerance, he knows him well, but crying? 

Taekwoon can see that he's suspicious so he leans into Wonshik's left hand on his cheek and snuggles close. ”Don't worry about it.”

Wonshik wants to melt at the sight. His hamster was too cute. So cute and _so_ fragile. He brings his face closer and kisses the redhead on his lips. He feels sad, sorrowful. As he kisses Taekwoon, he wants to vomit. Wonshik is disgusting. Why? Because he's a _wimp._ He's a _cheater._ He's _disgusting._ The booming voice yells at him to tell Taekwoon the truth but he doesn't.

Taekwoon threads his fingers through Wonshik's white, silky hair and feels like crying. Wonshik makes him so, so happy. But he makes him feel insecure— he's not as good as Jaehwan, he's not as funny as Jaehwan, he's not as cute as Jaehwan, he's not as kind as Jaehwan, he's not as beautiful as Jaehwan. 

Taekwoon is not Jaehwan.

-

Two days have passed and nothing.

When Wonshik sits in silence in his studio, he thinks about Jaehwan and Taekwoon—actually, when does he not? 

”How should I tell Taekwoon?” He mumbles as he scribbles some doodles on a sheet of paper. He was supposed to be writing songs but he felt dry of inspiration. He draws a messy picture of Taekwoon, chuckling when he saw the horrible proportions and he draws Jaehwan next to Taekwoon who looked just about crazy as him. 

He lays his pencil down and leans back into his cushioned seat. With a heavy sigh, he shuts his tired eyes. 

He doesn't know what he wants anymore. Who he needs. Maybe they should both leave him and find a more perfect man. His eyebrows scrunch at the thought. 

He rests in complete silence again for a couple of minutes with his mind swimming around. 

-

Taekwoon decides to call off at work for two days after spending the weekend in  
pain. He was exhausted, he couldn't sleep so he decided to lay off on Monday and Tuesday. He also didn't feel like seeing Hakyeon or Jaehwan, but he'll just blame it on his exhaustion. 

When Wonshik heard that he was home, he thought he was sick so he came home from the studio with a can of chicken soup and some medicine. It warms Taekwoon's heart and hearing the sigh of relief that left Wonshik once he told him he was just feeling down made his spirit slightly lift up. 

”Would you like to rest and watch some movies?” Wonshik asks, pressing the back of his hands to Taekwoon's forehead. He was just making sure that he was okay and if his temperature was normal. 

”That sounds great.” Taekwoon grabs his lover's calloused hands and kisses the knuckles with gentle care. ”But will you get in trouble for not working on new songs?” 

Wonshik fondly smiles at him. ”I'm sure Hongbin won't mind that one of the songs on his album will be late.” 

The older man giggles and smiles back at him. ”I'll get the popcorn. Pick the movie?” 

”Of course.” 

-

Taekwoon holds a hand on his waist as he runs his other hand through his hair. He felt so happy—yet...yet! He bites his lower lip. Fuck! He's just trying to ignore the elephant in the room. He's just trying to over look the obvious. But he can't. The whole weekend, he spent it by trying to forget the image of Jaehwan and Wonshik kissing but he can't.

He feels so happy with Wonshik, yet he wants Wonshik to admit what he did. But will that help anything? He slams his hands down onto the sink counter, in true frustration with himself.  
-

Wonshik goes through the cabinet filled with movie DVDs. He places a copy of Snow White down. He looks through the movies but his mind isn't focused on finding the perfect one. 

Once he saw the look of happiness —of thrill— on his gorgeous face, Wonshik knew that he wouldn't- 

No.

That he _couldn't_ tell Taekwoon. 

_THUD_

Wonshik turns around to the sound of the loud thud which comes from the kitchen. ”Taekwoon?” He calls out. 

”Sorry, dropped something!” He hears his lover yell from the kitchen. ”Popcorn is almost done!”

”Oh, okay!” He hollers back. 

Wonshik picks a movie they've seen a million times. It was their favorite movie. He pulled out the scratched up disk, still surprised that it works. He smells the popcorn and hears the soft footsteps of Taekwoon walking on the wood floor. ”Ah, this one again?” 

Wonshik raises an eyebrow, ”Wanna watch something else?” 

”Nope,” The redhead bends down to Wonshik, who was sitting on the ground with DVDs surrounding him, and kisses him on the lips for a brief second. ”It's my favorite.”

The two lay down on the soft sofa. Wonshik feels his phone in his back pocket, making him uncomfortable, and pulls it out to lay it face down onto the small coffee table in front him. 

The movie starts and Wonshik has his head on Taekwoon lap while the older man plays with his hair. Taekwoon eats most of the popcorn but he didn't dare to say anything about it, nonetheless he did laugh.

The movie goes on for about 20 minutes before Wonshik has to go to the bathroom. ”You don't have to pause the movie.” He says as he gets up. 

”But you might miss your favorite part.” Taekwoon responds, holding the remote in his hand. He pauses when Wonshik is out of sight. He hears the bathroom door squeak, then shut. 

Taekwoon closes his tired eyes and yawns. Wonshik sure liked to take his time. Each second felt like an eternity. Exhaustion was driving him nuts. His eyes felt heavy and he was afraid he might not be able to open them till morning when Wonshik gets back but thankfully, when he hears the bell notification on his lover's phone go off, he opens his eyes. 

Who would be texting him this late? Hongbin perhaps?

”Maybe no one texted him at all.” Taekwoon mumbles to himself. 

But maybe someone did. 

And that someone could be Jaehwan. 

Why? Taekwoon wouldn't know. He doesn't want to know. 

But.

His senses screams at him to pick up his boyfriend's phone and take a peak at what the notification is. They cry and wail, saying that if he doesn't see who texted his lover then he'll never find out. 

_Wonshik would never cheat anyway, so what's the point of looking?_ The redhead tries to convince himself. Taekwoon should trust Wonshik as a faithful lover, he knows that he should fully respect his privacy, too. 

But he needs to know who texted him. He didn't want to be like this, he wanted to trust Wonshik. 

Taekwoon reaches over and grabs the phone. 

He wanted to be able to know Wonshik would never do something as horrible as cheating. He would never do that to Taekwoon. 

Taekwoon hesitantly flips the black screen over towards him and sees his reflection. 

He wouldn't even find anything in the first place, why? Because Wonshik is loyal and—

_Taekwoon sees the message._

-

Jaehwan reads the text over and over again. He hesitates to send it. ”What if Wonshik doesn't want to talk to me?” He mumbles to himself as his grip on his phone tightens, ”I couldn't ask Taekwoon-hyung if he's doing okay today either...” 

He stares at the typed message, his shaky thumb hovers over the send button. It had been two days since that incident at the club and Jaehwan was too ashamed to talk to Wonshik. Now, though, he was debating on whether he should send his text or not. 

Now or never.

He presses send.

-

_From Kenjumma_

_Wonshik, I'm so sorry about that time in the club. Let's meet up soon, I really want to talk to you about those two nights I kissed you. Please, hear me out._

_-Jaehwan._

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for commenting on the last chapter! I really appreciate it :) Thank youuuuu. I'm going to try and make next chapter the longest so a lot of things will happen.
> 
> Edit: Sorry guys, I accidentally posted this chapter two times! 


	8. Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”You’re my rose  
> I don’t care if I’m pricked by your thorns  
> You’re my rose  
> I’ll have you and take on the scars”
> 
> RAVI - ROSE (FT. KEN)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if anyone knows this but Poison is set in the cold months(October, November, and December). :) Enjoy and sorry if I made any spelling mistakes.

_From Kenjumma_

_Wonshik, I'm so sorry about that time in the club. Let's meet up soon, I really want to talk to you about those two nights I kissed you. Please, hear me out._

_-Jaehwan._

__

Taekwoon's breathing halts as he reads the message. He knows that Jaehwan had kissed Wonshik once—but twice?

In a split second, his plans to keep quiet and pretend that nothing happened shatters before him as he stands up in rage. Three days—Saturday, Sunday, and Monday were the days he has suffered trying to pretend his lover was not cheating on him. Three days. Three whole days of knowing full well that the two males were together and they even kissed on the dance floor— but he wanted to pretend not to see just in hopes it would work out.

He had wanted to give Wonshik a chance, because he knew Wonshik was _the one._ He knows that he hasn't been together with him as long as Jaehwan and him had been together, which makes him think Wonshik is choosing Jaehwan over him. 

He's mad, and he wants to cry but he doesn't. Jaehwan had even asked him to go out and see him. His face reddens a deep shade and his fists ball up around the phone. He reads the message again before Wonshik showed up around the corner. ”Sorry, I couldn't find the hand soap— wh-what are you doing?” He sees his phone in the redhead's deathly grip.

Like light, Taekwoon was quick to respond. ”What am _I_ doing?” He says, tone daunting and filled with venom, he turns his head to look at his lover. ”What are _you_ doing?”

Wonshik's eyebrows furrow and he steps closer, he tries to put a comforting hand on the older man's shoulder but his hand was slapped away.

His phone screen is shoved in his face and he has to push Taekwoon's arm back to properly see any images on the bright screen.

When he reads the recent text he had gotten from Jaehwan, he swallows a nervous gulp and looks at the fuming man. ”Taekwoon—” 

”Don't!” Taekwoon grits and pulls his arm violently from the younger man's grip, ”I was going to be okay if you had kissed Jaehwan once because I had seen it. But twice?” 

Wonshik's mouth is agape like a fish. What? Okay. News flash: Taekwoon had seen the second kiss, how did he see; Wonshik doesn't know, and now he knows about the first. Alarms sound in his head. He had to tell Taekwoon. Tell him the _truth._ ”Listen, you've got it—” 

He feels hard knuckles hit his cheek and he was stopped from talking as he fell to the floor with a loud thud following him. He looks up at Taekwoon and sees his red knuckles and hears his heavy breathing. He holds his aching cheek. ”Do _not_ tell me to fucking listen to you! Why should I believe anything you say?” He yells and kicks the popcorn dish off the table besides him, spilling the popcorn all over the carpet. ”I had thought of pretending not to know you were cheating on me. But I can't take it.” 

Wonshik's throat tightens. ”I'm sorry—” He ushers, his eyes meet the redhead's teary, furious ones. ”I know that saying sorry isn't going to do anything, and I really did plan to tell you!” 

Taekwoon huffs, ”Sure. Fucking sure! And kissing him two times means you're sorry right?” Without hesitation, he storms off into the direction of the bedroom and Wonshik stands up, dizzy with a dash of clumsy, and follows him. Heavy footsteps hit the ground and they head to the bedroom. 

”Taekwoon—” 

”Shut the fuck up before I punch you again.” The redhead hisses as he pulls out a suitcase from the closet, opens it up completely, and then grabs all his clothes from the closet. Wonshik's lips press together and he bites the inside of the cheek where he was punched. 

When Taekwoon is angry, Taekwoon was violent. He would destroy items and anything that he could reach. The younger male had never seen his lover as angry as he was now, it was always small breakouts like when he'd push over a vase if a customer at work had insulted him or his coworkers and that time when he punched a mirror after Wonshik spent more than $500 on his diamond bracelet gift. Wonshik knew that if he did say something, he _would_ get hurt. Because Taekwoon wasn't only loyal to his lovers, but his words also. 

Yet, he couldn't let Taekwoon leave without telling him the truth. 

He heard the suitcase close and he knew he had to speak quickly before Taekwoon walks off, he doesn't even know if Taekwoon is ever coming back but by the looks of it; he probably won't.

-

Hakyeon hears loud knocks on his door that make him jump. He had just got off of work and was drying his hair with the white towel hanging around his neck after his shower. He walks to the door as he rubs his damp hands on his t-shirt.

When he opens it, he sees Taekwoon standing in front of him with a huge suitcase besides him. The two look at each other in silence. Hakyeon frowns when he spots the red knuckles on the hand holding the suitcase handle. ”Taekwoon,” He ushers, ”Come in.” 

Taekwoon silently comes in and sits on the couch. 

Hakyeon wants to ask him so many questions. Why weren't you at work for the last two days? Why did you not text me? Why are you here so late? Why are your knuckles glowing red? Why do you have a suitcase? Why do you look so sad and distant? He wanted to ask all of those questions but he could feel how tense his friend was so he decides against it.

He observes Taekwoon who was sitting with his fingers intertwined and his eyes staring down at the wood floors. 

”Sorry.” He quietly mumbles, Hakyeon almost couldn't catch what he said. The brunette opens his mouth to say something back but Taekwoon continues to speak. ”I didn't mean to come here this late. I just had to leave.” With glossy eyes and a bitter smile, he looks at Hakyeon. 

”It's okay, Woonie.” Hakyeon says, even though he wasn't sure if things were okay or not. He goes to sit besides Taekwoon. He hesitates to speak again but he does, ”What happened?” 

The redhead snickers before bursting into a fit of laughter. He has a hand in his bangs with his palm on his forehead, his mouth wide with a broken smile. Hakyeon watched in silence. 

”Oh gosh,” His voice was breathy and he had to take multiple deep breaths. ”I'm sorry, Hakyeon. I just remembered everything and now, I think it's hilariously dumb.” 

The brunette raises an eyebrow but stays quiet. He was usually one to speak most but he felt like whatever he would say, it would not matter. He needs to hear Taekwoon speak. 

”You were right about everything. That I should break up with him. That he doesn't love me. 'What happened?' you ask, well...Wonshik kissed Jaehwan.” Taekwoon shuts his eyes, the dim lamp light radiates off his pink-tinted cheeks, ”You know that. But here's the part you don't know— he kissed him _twice_.” Taekwoon had never talked this much, not in years. Now he was speaking at a thousand words per heart beat. 

”Twice?” Hakyeon's face fills with surprise and water drips down the side of his face from his wet, brown hair. 

”Yeah, you might not think it's a big deal. It's just twice. But Jaehwan has only been here for...for at least 2 months and a couple of weeks. And me— me and...” His voice cracks, which visibly makes the older man flinch but the bitter smile still remains. ”Me and Wonshik have been together for almost three years. In that short amount of time...I had lost him.” He bites his bottom lips. His grip on his hair was tightening and he was trying to desperately keep his sobs quiet, his eyes were shut tight. Hakyeon felt like he would explode.

Hakyeon wrapped his arms around Taekwoon, holding him in a tight embrace. The towel falls off his shoulders and is replaced with Taekwoon's head in the crook of his neck. Sobs usher out immediately and fills the room with despair as he cries. 

Taekwoon has been crying a lot. From what he's seen, it's only part of the times he has imagined the younger weeping alone. His heart aches as the redhead shakes in his arms. He's sure that the liquid on his shirt wasn't only from his hair. 

As Taekwoon was in the older man's fond clutch, he thought about Wonshik. Oh how he wishes Wonshik would be the one holding him, too— the one to kiss his tears away and rub circles on his back in a way that would always comfort him whenever he was upset. He loves Wonshik a lot, so much to the point where he could die. The last words he remembers Wonshik saying ring in his head as he imagines his bright smile. 

-

__

_”Taekwoon, I know you won't believe me. I love you! I am so in love with you that it scares me.” Wonshik yelled, grabbing the redhead's wrist to stop him from running out of the room. ”But I will say, with full honesty...that I am confused with my feelings for Jaehwan.”_

_Taekwoon tugged away roughly and turned around with a full scowl on his pained face. ”You fucking bi—”_

_The expression gave chills to the other man but he refused to be quiet. ”I'm not even gonna lie, I had thought about him with you and I've thought about you with him. I am truly confused...” The younger man interrupted and raised his volume, ”You really shouldn't be with me because I am an idiot and I'm so incredibly in the wrong! I'm wrong and I'm sorry, I really am—”_

_Taekwoon slapped him on the same cheek in which he had punched him. ”Shut up! You don't love me and you aren't sorry!” He roared. ”Don't even touch me, I-I hate you!” Wonshik's head was faced to the side where he was hit and he stared at the ground with hot tears stinging his eyes. Taekwoon dragged his suitcase quickly to the door where he didn't even bother with his shoes. He slipped on some house slippers and slammed open the door._

_So what if the neighbors will complain? He won't be there to hear them nag him._

_”I know you might never forgive me— but I'm so sorry for hurting you.”_

_That's the last thing he heard before Taekwoon walked out of the apartment._

__

-

Hakyeon sighs after he tucks the redhead into bed. He softly pushes the suitcase to the side of the wall and tiptoes out of the room. With a soft shut to the door, he exhales the breath he's been keeping in and holds a hand to his chest to keep his beating heart from jumping out and running away.

After not going to work for two days, Taekwoon suddenly shows up. Hakyeon doesn't mind but he is surprised when he saw him with a suitcase. Their argument had never been brought up, even though Hakyeon wants to desperately apologize for the rude words he said that night when he was hurting. 

He slides him back down the door and he leans his head to the side, exhausted. ”Why do you have to be so dumb?” 

-

 

Jaehwan bites his nails nervously, he stopped his habit years back but waiting for Wonshik to reply has got him, once again, pacing and worrying. Maybe he shouldn't have texted him afterall, only a few days pasted over the incident. Should he have waited? 

”This isn't like you Jaehwan.” He tells himself and slaps his cheeks, squishing them. ”But you haven't been yourself in these past days.” He also retorts. He sighs and walks to the mirror to look at his face. He looks directly into his brown eyes and squints. ”What's wrong with you? You aren't like this.” 

He expects his reflection to snap back at him but it doesn't. When he turned on his sink, he plugged the drain so the water will rise. He looks at the reflection in the water, too, trying to find how he was feeling but he only saw an idiot. He loves Wonshik. So much that he would give up anything for him. 

But maybe he should just give up his feelings. 

Jaehwan presses his lips together and tightly shuts his eyes before grabbing a handful of water in his cupped palms, then he splashes his face with the room-temperature liquid. He feels the tips of his blonde bangs get wet but who cares? He splashes himself, again and again. 

After he finishes, he grabs a nearby towel and scrubs his face roughly. As he does so, he hears a small ding from his phone which makes him jump slightly. At a snail's pace, he lowers the towel from his face and his eyes land on his phone. 

Then, he turns his phone over so he could see the black screen. When he presses the side button, it lights up and he sees Wonshik's name followed by his reply. 

_”Okay, Jaehwan. Just not right now. Soon.”_ was all Wonshik had said. 

-

Wonshik sits alone in the empty room with only a dimly lit lamp on. He sighs and lifts his head up from his knees and sees the empty closet used to be filled with Taekwoon's clothes. His phone had been thrown to the corner of the room after he texted Jaehwan a short reply. 

”Had I said the right thing?” He thinks as he bites down on his bleeding lip from the punch. Taekwoon was really strong; he used to take up boxing and soccer so one hit made Wonshik more dizzy than alcohol could ever. Maybe he should have lied? No. 

Wonshik lets out a sigh for the second time and slaps himself on the cheek where Taekwoon had hit two times and hisses once his palm came in contact. He deserved that. And many more hits and punches and kicks. 

When he gets off the bed, it disturbs the quiet home with a creak sound and the soft padding of his bare feet walking to the bathroom echoes. He turns on the light and stares at his face, looking at the red cheek that was sure to bruise. He tasted a faint taste of blood, he must've bit the inside of his cheek once he was hit. He sighs again. 

It doesn't matter if it stings, the physical pain was the least he could worry about.

He gives himself a bitter smile as he walks out of the bathroom, still leaving the light on, and grabs his jacket from a nearby rack. While putting it on, he walks to the front door and slides on his slip-ons. As he shuts the door behind him, he looks back one last time before closing it and walking to the elevator. 

Man, oh man did Wonshik fuck up. In less than a year, he ruined his relationship that had lasted for almost three years. Oh god, what had he done? He lost it all. He walks out of the apartment complex, Wonshik groans as the cold air bites at his skin and he shivers as he lays his hands into the pockets of his jacket. 

He needs to walk and think about—

About what exactly? 

He doesn't know, he just needs to take a walk and think. 

Wonshik loves Taekwoon so much. But then how does that explain the small ‘flutters‘ he feels with Jaehwan? He hates the fact that he's even confused but it's so evident that he shouldn't have done those things with Jaehwan.

If he would have told Taekwoon about their first kiss, he wonders if things would be different but he doubts it. Taekwoon was jealous and quite the snake, even if he doesn't show it but he still should've told him the truth. 

Why had Jaehwan put him in such a conflicted situation with himself? Was it possibly because he was his first love? Wonshik can't use that excuse forever, he knows fully well that fact. If Jaehwan wasn't his first love, he would still have small trickles of affections that would pop out when they were together. 

Wonshik stopped walking once he saw a park bench by a lamp post. He sits down and huffs when his mind doesn't push out the fact that it's freezing outside. In the distance, the sound of cars filled the air. 

A realization hit him. ”Ah, our anniversary is soon.” He whispers and he sees the cold air coming out of his mouth as he breathes out. They had started dating near December. He wonders if Taekwoon had already been looking for gifts so early. That's how wonderful and caring Taekwoon was, but he still did that to him. 

Wonshik looks down at his diamond bracelet when he thinks of gifts. Somehow, it seems like it doesn't shine like it did before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :^( I'm sorry everyone, I tried to make this chapter really long with many things happening but I got so excited to post this that I just decided to write more bigger events in the future. How did you guys like violent Taekwoon? ;^)
> 
> OH. AND. How old is everyone? I wonder if my readers are ”younglings”, teenagers, in their twenties, or older. It'd be cool to have an old audience but young people are great, too. :) I'm thirteen, any Starlights younger than me?


	9. The Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Wonshik has finally decided what he's going to do. Some of you have voted a couple of chapters ago on what he's going to do and now :) It's here. Side note: I'm sorry for all of you who have chosen choice 2. 
> 
> Warning: there might be spelling errors that will make you cry.

”---woon, Tae--on.” 

”Shut up...”

”TAEKWOON-HYUNG.” 

Taekwoon's eyes fly open as he jolts up from his leaning position. ”What?” He turns around and sees Sanghyuk leaning on the doorframe with a frown. 

”Your break is over.” He says. ”You need to switch out with Jaehwan-hyung before he passes out in the middle of the kitchen.”

Taekwoon grimaces. He went back to work after leaving his shared apartment and ever since he's walked into the calm restaurant, he's been avoiding Jaehwan like a plague. He briefly checks his watch to see that younger male was right. ”Sorry.” He doesn't mean it because he doesn't care. 

”It's alright. Jaehwan-hyung can wait.” Sanghyuk pulls a chair out by Taekwoon. The older male raises a confused eyebrow at him and stares silently. Hyuk fidgets with his fingers and looks at the redhead. ”There's something going on with you, isn't there?”

Taekwoon frowns and sighs as his eyes shut, exhaustion pulling them down.

He couldn't believe even the youngest of his friends have noticed. It actually made him feel a bit mad that he was worrying someone who shouldn't worry. ”It's that obvious?” He tries to lighten the mood with a more casual answer but he feels like it got him nowhere. ”I'm just tired, that's all Hyogi. No need to worry.” 

”But you're acting different, the mood has been gloomy ever since you got back. The other hyungs notice it, too.” Sanghyuk has no intention to change the subject that quickly. His tone has got Taekwoon opening his eyes and looking at him like he's a piece of art work(he is). ”You can tell me about it, hyung. And of course I would worry about you, you're my friend.”

” _Sanghyuk._ ” Taekwoon's voice is stern and his eyes are cold. ”I told you not to worry about it, it's fine.” 

The younger man's lips press together in a thin line. ”It's not fine, hyung. Even Hakyeon is down when he's usually always the excited mom.” 

Taekwoon feels a surge of anger suddenly and he clenches his fist under the table to hide his frustration. 

He just got back to work and now, he's being talked down by the maknae. He's just tired and he misses a-certain-asshole-whose-name-shall-not-be-said. ”Why don't you try to cheer up Hakyeon then? Why talk to me?” He says, trying his best not to sound bitter but ultimately fails. He doesn't know why he's acting the way he is. 

Sanghyuk seems taken aback, he looks hurt. ”Because you look so sad, hyung. I just want to talk and help you if I can.” 

”I don't need a _kid_ to talk to me, Sanghyuk.” _Stop. Stop it, Taekwoon! Get a hang of yourself!_ ”If you really want to help, leave me alone.”

”I'm not a child, I'm only a few years younger than you!” Sanghyuk retorts. ”And I'm sorry, okay? I just wanted to help you since you just seem so stressed out!” 

”Well, let me tell you; you _can't_ help because you _don't_ understand.” Taekwoon wants to slap himself in the face. He wasn't usually like this. He actually liked Hyuk a lot and this is the first time they've ever argued. Of course, they'd have small disputes but he knows this will turn into a situation he'll regret. He just needs to stop talking and leave to switch out with Jaehwan but Sanghyuk says something that pushes his buttons.

”If you would tell me, I could understand.” He raises his voice. 

The redhead snaps. 

”You wanna know what's wrong?” Taekwoon stands up, pushing the chair he was sitting down backwards as it falls, and slams his hands on the table, ”My boyfriend is cheating on me with his childhood friend! That's what's wrong!” He yells. 

The young man is speechless as he sits there and sees him fuming with anger. Tears brimmed Taekwoon's eyes. 

Just as Hyuk was about to usher something out into the silence, he hears someone clear their voice by the door and both men look back to see Jaehwan sheepishly scratching the back of his neck. ”It's my lunch break...” He seems awkward and Taekwoon cringes when the thought of Jaehwan hearing the whole conversation pops in his head. 

As the redhead storms out of the room, he grabs a nearby apron. The door slams shut behind him. 

Sanghyuk huffs and Jaehwan's silent (which is rare). ”Did you hear all of that, hyung?” He asks. 

The blonde shakes his head and mumbles with a sad frown, ”Only the last part.” 

The maknae sighs and stands up to leave. ”See you later, hyung.” Is all he says as he leaves with a faint smile on his lips. 

Jaehwan is alone in the break-room. He picks up the fallen chair and sets it back where it was originally, then grabs his lunch from the small fridge in the corner along with a drink and sits down. 

_”My boyfriend is cheating on me with his childhood friend! That's what's wrong!”_

Jaehwan takes a bite of his sandwich as he thinks. 

Taekwoon: 1. Has a boyfriend. When? How? He doesn't know. 2. He's being cheated on. Why? 3. His boyfriend is cheating on him with his childhood friend. 

That story sounds awfully familiar to him. He's noticed that the older male had been avoiding him again and he has a hunch on why now that he's heard Sanghyuk and Taekwoon argue, but his suspicion makes his stomach twist and turn. 

If his belief is true, then he'd have to apologize to Taekwoon. 

His frown deepens. He still hasn't heard from Wonshik since that short text that he sent him yesterday night. 

”They couldn't possibly be dating right?” Jaehwan whispers to himself as his foot taps lightly on the floor. But there was evidence that they were. The blonde sighs again. His heart aches as he thinks of the rejection he was surely going to get. Was there a way that Wonshik would forgive him? Slim chance. His eyes shut tightly in hopes of stopping the sudden rush of tears in his eyes. He wasn't a crier, he was a joker. A comedian for everyone to smile at. Why was he so sad? 

Jaehwan loves Wonshik with all his heart. When they were still in school, he recalls memories of him just admiring the hell out of the male and being confused on why he was so— so jittery with him. He wants to know why he loves Wonshik out of all people and why he was too late. 

He hates not getting what he wants but he's sure that after this whole catastrophe ends, he'd hate everything. 

-

”Delivery for Kim Wonshik.” 

”Hongbin, shut up and come in.” Wonshik opens the door and then sees Hongbin on the other side. His friend's smile, beautifully showing off his dimples, had turned into a small frown as he looked at the mess Wonshik had become in less than ten hours. 

”Jesus, Wonshik.” Hongbin comes into the cold apartment and shuts the door softly behind him. ”What happened to you?” His fingers poke at the small bandaid placed messily on his chapped lips. 

He winces. ”Long story,” Wonshik replies and takes his hand off his face, ”Do you need something?” His sharp tone surprises the younger male.

”Can't a friend drop by?” Hongbin's sad eyes look directly into his. 

”...” Wonshik sighs. ”I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound rude, I'm just...stressed. Do you want something to drink?” He asks as the two walk to his living room where his friend collapses on the couch. 

”Yeah, anything would be fine. Just come over quick.” 

Wonshik softly chuckles, ”Okay, okay princess Binnie.”

He pads to the kitchen and opens the fridge to pull out a bottle of apple juice, there were other drinks but most of them were Taekwoon's like the strawberry milk or the chilled bottles of coffee from Starbucks. He walks to the couch and passes his friend the box. ”Apple juice?” He laughs when he stabs the straw into the carton and takes a sip. 

”All I've got,” Wonshik says. 

”Not bad, very fancy actually.” 

Wonshik scoffs and hits the back of Hongbin's neck. ”Why're you here?” 

”I heard you telling our manager that you're taking a break.” Hongbin turns his head to look at the older male while the straw is still in his mouth. ”You look like a complete mess. What happened?” Hongbin was talking about the obvious yellow bruise that was slowly turning green on his lower cheek besides his jaw. The unshaven stubble was showing, which was a sight to see since Wonshik always had a baby face. 

”I told you, long story.” Wonshik covers his face with a near by cushion. The younger male would not take none of it and grabs the soft pillow, only holding it for a millisecond before throwing it. 

”You know I got time to listen.” 

He frowns. ”You're an idol, you barely have time to take care of yourself.” 

Hongbin was quite popular, considering his God-like looks, angelic voice, and surprisingly cringey (but great) personality. It was actually rare that he'd come over to visit Wonshik at all since he is cooped up at the agency for hours or sleeping because he's lacking of it. He would occasionally be on a break like the night that he invited Wonshik and Jaehwan out. 

”Says you! Look at yourself, I'm not the only one in the music industry.” Hongbin flicks the older man's forehead. ”I've finished with my promotions, I've got all the time in the world to listen to your problems. I'm not good at giving advice as you know but I can listen.” 

”...” Wonshik sighs again and runs a hand through his messy and untamed hair, his black roots are showing up on the silver. He would have to tell him someday so why not now? ”You're...going to get mad.”

”I'm sure I will, but I'll always be on your side.”

He spills the beans to Hongbin. Everything from the kisses he and Jaehwan shared and to the moments where he would lock himself up in the studio because he felt so guilty for thinking about his childhood friend that way and that one time when he wrote a full song thinking about Taekwoon and Jaehwan, mostly Jaehwan. He shares the fears he as a creator in the music industry if news came out that he's gay. He even told him about the last time he's seen Taekwoon and the many tears he's shed in the couple of hours that he was gone. The whole time, his young friend was silent. By the time he was finished talking, Hongbin had already given him a look of ”You screwed the fuck up.” 

”You—”

”I know I messed up.” 

Hongbin slaps his own forehead. ”Jaehwan. Of all people, it's Jaehwan. And you cheated.” He takes in a sharp intake of breath before screeching his head off. ”Are you crazy?! I don't even know who this Taekwoon dude is— why don't I know who he is! I always thought you and Jaehwan were closer than I was to you but seriously? LIKE THAT? Poor Taekwoon, how would you feel if he grabbed a close friend of his and— Shik, you fucked up.” 

”I did.” His eyes flutter closed. ”I really did.”

”I'll kill Jaehwan.” 

”Don't!” Wonshik suddenly exclaims, making Hongbin jump. ”Jaehwan doesn't know _who_ I'm dating.”

There was an awkward silence before Hongbin lets out a loud sigh. ”So, let me get this straight. You used to like Jaehwan. Er...still? But you're confused and dating a guy named Taekwoon who isn't Jaehwan because you aren't dating him. Jaehwan knows you're dating someone but he still tries to woo you? Okay.” Hongbin says more to himself than Wonshik, ”But if you love Taekwoon, then why isn't the choice obvious?” 

”If I truly loved him, I wouldn't be confused about Jaehwan.” Wonshik leans back onto the couch and looks up at the ceiling. ”And I'm selfish. I shouldn't have the choice to choose between the two, and I don't know if I do anymore because Taekwoon has left. It's probably better for me to leave both alone but I—” 

”Listen,” The younger man interrupts, ”Love is obvious to the beholder. Even if you reject the idea, you will know if you love someone or not. You could care about Jaehwan, and that's it. You two have a close friendship after all, it could just be a strong bond you're confusing with love.” 

Wonshik doesn't know how to reply. 

”This guy has only been gone a day and you're completely wrecked without him.” He continues, ”Isn't that more proof that Taekwoon's the one? You gotta fight for him. Jaehwan will probably be heartbroken but why would you get into a relationship with him if you're confused in the first place?” 

Well shit. Hongbin is smart as fuck. Or maybe Wonshik is just seriously dumb. ”You're right. You are _so_ damn right.” 

”Oh god, don't cry.” 

Wonshik fails. Ah, he's been so blind. He hears Hongbin shift off the couch and come back to put a tissue box on his lap. 

”You look like the manliest human in existence yet you cry like a newborn that has a dirty diaper.” Hongbin laughs as Wonshik grabs a handful of tissues and blows his nose loudly. 

”Rude.” He grumbles. 

”Show me a picture of Taekwoon.” The younger male utters all of a sudden. Wonshik raises an eyebrow and sniffles. ”I want to see the guy you've been hiding from me for years. May I say that that is an asshole move since I'm your best friend.” 

He puts the tissues down onto the table. ”Give me a few seconds.” Wonshik pushes himself off the couch and disappears into the hallway before coming back. In his hand was his black phone, screen cracked from corner to corner. 

”Whoa, what'd you do?” Hongbin snatches the phone and looks at the cracks. 

”Well, nothing since it still works.” He grabs his phone back and types in the password. 1110. 

”That password is so easy.” 

Wonshik hums in agreement, then sits by the younger male to show him closer. When he opened his photo albums and most of them were of Taekwoon and him, Hongbin awed. ”This one...it's my favorite.” It was a picture of Taekwoon sleeping with a stuffed animal lion on his shoulder. 

”Wow.” He mumbles, ”You screwed up bad. Look at him! He's...” He presses a photo of Taekwoon and Wonshik at one of Wonshik's concerts. 

”Close your mouth before you drool an ocean.” Wonshik defensively pulls the phone away and gives a death glare at his gaping friend. 

”How're you gonna get him back?” Hongbin hits the back of Wonshik's head. ”You've lost a whole treasure chest.”

”I don't even know if I can. He probably hates my guts and doesn't want to see me ever again. He said he hated me before he left.” Wonshik presses on the bruise on his cheek to hopefully come up with ways to apologize, atone for what's he's done, and how to tell Jaehwan as gently as he could. 

”Grovel for forgiveness.” Hongbin crosses his arms.

”Maybe I should—” 

”I'm just kidding.” The young man seems shocked that Wonshik was considering the thought. ”If I was in Taekwoon's shoes, I wouldn't forgive you until you showed me that you truly love me.” 

Wonshik presses his lips together into a thin line and his eyebrows furrow. ”How would I do that? I'm not exactly good at love.” 

”Show it to the world.” 

-

”Hyung,” Jaehwan softly grabs the end of Taekwoon's button up shirt. ”Can we talk after work?” 

Taekwoon looked at the blonde for a second before looking away, tugging his sleeve out of Jaehwan's loose grip, and walking to the back of the kitchen where he checked the buns with an emotionless expression. 

He was ignored. Again. He had already tried three times to talk to the redhead but each time failed more pathetic than the one before it. He lets out an exhausted sigh. 

”Jaehwan! Table 3.” 

”Coming, Hakyeon-hyung.” He heads towards the smell of food and sees a tray full of delicious bowls filled with noodles and plates topped with rice, curry, and some vegetables, a small bowl of spicy sauce in the corner. He practically drools at the sight.

”Jaehwan, you better hurry before the customers get mad.” Hakyeon says, snapping Jaehwan out of his food frenzy.

He sheepishly laughs before grabbing the tray carefully and walking out of the kitchen to the diner tables. He sees table three and smiles brightly at the customers, then presents them their food. 

After seeing a look of happiness on their face from the dish, he leaves back into the kitchen. 

Jaehwan has always loved working in restaurants. Just the true happiness someone could get from seeing food made his mood brighten up a bit. He wasn't a good cook himself, just a social waiter. That's all he is. 

He'll try to talk to him one more time. Jaehwan looks at Taekwoon who was staring emptily at the bunch of spring onions in his hand. He walks to the redhead, seeing that he's doing nothing; it might be his chance. All he wants is to talk and make sure he and Wonshik weren't dating. He wanted to talk about how Taekwoon's _roommate_ is doing. He approaches Taekwoon, not knowing what to say but he'll know once his mouth is open. 

”Taekwoon-hyung, is it okay if we talk a bit after work ends?” 

”...” 

The silent reply scares him. Just one more time. _I will talk to him one more time._

”Taekwoon-hy—”

”Shut the fuck up and leave me alone!” Taekwoon screams as he slams down the spring onions in his hands on the cutting board. ”I don't want to talk to you so stop trying, you're being annoying.” 

The kitchen went silent. Everyone there was looking at Taekwoon and Jaehwan like they were zoo animals, even Sanghyuk who heard everything as he was pushing open the door, before the redhead turns away from him and then sound came back again. Chefs started cooking again and waiters began to go to and from the kitchen.

Jaehwan looks at Taekwoon's broad back for a few seconds before stomping off with a tray to pick up the messes on tables. 

Hakyeon could see Jaehwan from the corner of his eye as he walks away, he's hanging his head low and biting his bottom lip. Taekwoon had made it obvious that he was ignoring the younger male but when he screamed at him, it must have broke him. ”Ah jeez, these kids.” He turns around and taps lightly on Taekwoon's shoulder. He jumps in surprise. 

”What, Hakyeon?” Taekwoon says defensively as his fingers stop chopping the onions and the sharp edge of the knife was pointed directly at the brunette. 

”Whoa there.” Hakyeon's gloved hands push away the knife and puts it back on the cutting board. ”Let's go home together today.” 

Taekwoon's face softens a bit but he still looks distressed. ”Yes, but I need to drop by the mall.” 

-

”What're you doing?” Hakyeon asks, stopping Taekwoon from walking any further. He's standing in front of a hair salon. 

”I need to get something before it closes.” He says and raises an eyebrow at the older man. ”You're grown, you can wait here for a few minutes.” 

Hakyeon laughs and the redhead walks into the small hair salon. The brunette sees a small bench in front of the salon so he sits on the seat. First day back to work for Taekwoon and he's already a mess. 

Hakyeon shut his tired eyes. What the hell is he supposed to do? One day. It's only been one day since Taekwoon left Wonshik but he's so unhappy and— and so discontent. He's never seen the redhead act like that. But he also never seen him in love. 

”Hakyeon, let's go,” Taekwoon is standing in front of him with a small, pink bag in his right hand as his left hand is tucked warmly in his pocket. ”I'm sorry to keep you waiting.”

The brunette stands up and groans, ”My back.” He jokes but the man doesn't crack a real smile, just a fake and bitter one. ”It's cold, let's go home.” 

As they walk to the car, the two shiver because of the chilly wind. Taekwoon digs his face into his scarf while Hakyeon breathes warm hair into his gloves and rubs them together. ”What did you buy?” 

”I'll surprise you.” Taekwoon's voice sounds monotonous, but his eyes seem to show a certain emotion Hakyeon can't explain. 

They get to the car and when they're buckled in, the older male had already started blabbering about random things that have happened at work. ”Did you notice how down Hyogi was? He's usually so happy.”

The redhead is quiet as his friend talks the whole ride home.

When they arrive at Hakyeon's apartment, Taekwoon walks straight into the bathroom while saying, ”I'll see you in a few hours.” 

-

Taekwoon's hands are on the sink counter as he stares into the mirror. This was the last day he was going to have red hair. No longer is he going to stand the bright color that made him stand out way too much. 

_"I really love your red hair, it suits you."_

Taekwoon shakes the thought of Wonshik's voice out of his head. He tears open the box of brown hair dye and pulls out the coloring. 

As he puts on the black gloves inside the box, he can't stop thinking about Wonshik. Wonshik. Why did he miss him so much? Had being away for almost twenty four hours made him insane? He doesn't even know why he still loves the younger male after what he's done. He's probably kissed a dozen more people and slept with half of them. 

He runs the hand into his red hair and he watches the brown liquid stain his red locks.

-

Hakyeon was half asleep on the sofa in the living room when he heard the bathroom door open. His hazy eyes flutter awake. ”Hakyeon, I'm done.” The older man turns to the direction of Taekwoon's soft voice. ”What do you think?” He rubs the sleep away to clearly see him and when he does— he's surprised. 

”Wow!” Hakyeon exclaims as he stares at Taekwoon's dark brown hair. ”You- you look great.” 

Taekwoon smiles faintly and looks away. ”Thanks.” He seems distant as he walks over and sits besides Hakyeon. 

”Why'd you dye your hair brown?” He asks. 

”Do you want the honest answer or something made up on the spot?” Taekwoon replies jokingly. 

”The answer that doesn't involve Wonshik.” Hakyeon grabs the remote control off the table and turns on the tv. 

”I just wanted a change.” The younger male says. ”I had red hair for too long.” He knows that he was lying because Taekwoon hated change.

The two watch the tv together in silence. A random show he turned on plays with the audience laughing at things that aren't funny. ”Are you going to be okay tomorrow?” Hakyeon breaks the silence. 

”No, I'm not.” Taekwoon plays with the hair that slightly touched his neck. 

”You'll move on, Taekwoon. Baby steps.” The older man reassuringly pats him on the shoulder. 

”I honestly don't want to. I really miss him, he would usually call me when we couldn't see each other during the day but he didn't call today.” Taekwoon sighs loudly and pouts. ”He probably slept with other people, maybe even Jaehwan.” 

Hakyeon wants to tell Taekwoon that Wonshik actually rejected Jaehwan when he got kissed by him and walked out. He wants to tell him that Sanghyuk saw everything and it's possibly that the maknae would lie considering how evil he is but he wouldn't joke about rejection. He wants to tell him yet— he believes that Taekwoon doesn't need Wonshik. He keeps his mouth shut and hums as Taekwoon starts to rant again. 

”It's only been one day, you'll get better as the days go on. You'll move on.” Hakyeon repeats. 

”But I miss him so much.” 

-

A few days have passed, maybe four or five (he doesn't keep track), since Wonshik had last seen Taekwoon. He's been confined in his studio the whole time. Dinner, what's that? Breakfast, that's a thing? Breathe. That's what he needs to do. Just take a breather. But he has no time. 

Every day, he's been thinking about Hongbin's advice. They egg him on to just do it. 

He sighs, a frown on his lips. He's had enough time to think about his decision but he can't make up his mind. He's so afraid to tell all of Korea that he's gay, that he's dating Taekwoon, and that he's cheated. What if he will no longer have any fans? Would he lose his job? He's finally made it so far and has established a name for himself as Ravi but it could all go down in a matter of a few words. 

But Korea isn't like how it was years ago. Things change, people change, opinions change. Yet— Wonshik can't help but fear opinions. He should have known going into the entertainment industry would be like this, he just hadn't realized something like this could happen to him.

”Oh god...” He mutters and presses his palm to his forehead. He's had a headache for a few hours already but he's too stressed to take a nap. He reaches for his cracked phone and types in his password which was Taekwoon's birthday: 1110. He presses on his photo album again for the thousandth time that week and sees his favorite video. 

When it starts playing, he watches as Taekwoon is seen on the screen playing with his nephew Minyul. Taekwoon had invited Wonshik to come meet his parents which was a huge step that the younger male was hesitating to take. He didn't regret meeting them, nor playing with the small Minyul. He misses Taekwoon. Maybe Taekwoon doesn't miss him but he needs to take a step to atone.

Wonshik's decided. He will show his love to the world. Even if it means that he'd be hated by his ex-loyal fans or never make music again, what's the point of making songs if he isn't even happy making them anyway? Now or never. 

He takes a shaky breath as he presses on the phone icon and hears the ringing after he calls his manager. 

A couple of rings later and he hears an excited, ”Hello?” over the phone. ”Wonshik! I'm glad I got to hear from you, are you ready to start promotions again?” 

”Yeah, sure...but can you schedule a press conference first?” Wonshik's voice comes out more fragile than he wanted it to, which makes him more nervous.

”What? So sudden? Why?” 

”I've got something very important to announce.” 

”Hmm...let's talk more about this when we meet up.” His manager says, sounding quite confused. ”It will at least take a couple of days, but I'll schedule a place for the press conference.” 

He sighs in relief. ”Thank you so much, noona.” 

”Yeah, no problem! As long as you get back into promotions then I'll do whatever you need.” She chirps, ”Oh, and make sure to get the word out on SNS.” 

”Alright, thank you. I really appreciate it.” 

”Yes, now goodbye! I'll call you for the appointments!” 

He ends the call and he's left breathless. ”Fuck...did I just do that?” He whispers to himself. He drops his phone on the floor and grabs his notebook filled with mindless lyrics to mindless songs. 

Wonshik flips to the back of the pages and begins writing a new song. His hands scribble the notes on the paper and his mind is blanking out. He writes his thoughts down as they fly out of his head onto the sheet. 

While he's writing, he reminds himself that he needs to call Jaehwan soon. At the very top of his piece of paper, he messily scribbles the title of the new song. _Poison._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOW WAS IT??? AHHH, I tried my best to make this chapter long, too. I've been going through some stuff (my bestfriend lied to me for years lmao) so it took me a while to finish this but YEET, I DID IT. THE LAST CHAPTER IS COMING UP SOON! Next chapter may be the last one or the eleventh chapter might be! OOF, I'M SO EXCITED.
> 
> BY THE WAY, I tried to involve HyukBin more in this story so how is it??? I've been thinking of writing a new fanfic for HyukBin but I'm not really sure...
> 
> And I don't know if Wonshik wrote Poison or Taekwoon but...when does reality ever work with fanfictions? :)


	10. Poison 1/2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the spelling mistakes you might find! No need to be afraid and tell me what I typed wrong. :) I didn't get to read over it since I was so excited to publish this one. 
> 
> WARNING: Spelling errors might make you cry a river.
> 
> Enjoy.

Wonshik sets down his pair of headphones and leans into his cushioned seat, sighing heavily as he closes his eyes. God, he had stayed up another night didn't he? But he felt like he actually did something right this time. ”Finally. I'm done.” He had finished the lyrics quite quickly along with the rhythm and notes but it took awhile to mix the song. 

Shit, he's tired. 

He reads over the lyrics again. 

Wonshik had tried to write lyrics that would represent both his and Taekwoon's feelings. He can't understand Taekwoon's but he tried his best. 

With his phone in his hand, he stands up from his swiveling chair and walks to the small sofa in his studio. Once his heavy body hits the soft sofa cushions, he immediately shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath. 

He hasn't seen, texted, or called Taekwoon in six days. Damn. He misses him so much. If he keeps him waiting, is it possible that he's already moved on? His eyebrows furrow at the thought of Taekwoon in love with someone else. He needs to move and he needs to move quick. 

He turns on his phone, goes into his contacts, and looks at Jaehwan's number. He's memorized the number over and over since he's stared at it so much. He takes a deep breath once again. Seriously, he just needs to yolo shit. 

He presses on the number. Three rings passes by, each time his heart beats ten times strong, and when he hears the ringing stop his breathing stops, too. 

”Wonshik!” Jaehwan's loud voice booms in his ear and he smiles when he hears the excitement. He misses the voice of his friend, he misses him. But he realizes how he misses Jaehwan's voice like how he'd miss his mom's cooking. He should've known that he didn't love him like that and he just played both males. 

”Hey, how are you, Jaehwan?” 

”I'm—I'm doing okay. Yes, okay.” Jaehwan replies nervously. ”How are you?” 

”I'm fine.” The younger male lies.

There is an awkward silence. ”Sorry, Wonshik.” 

Wonshik mentally sighs, his eyes are molded shut from exhaustion. He faintly smiles, he can almost imagine Jaehwan on the other side pouting or biting his nails. ”Hey...is it okay if we meet up? If you're not busy. I have a lot to tell you and I'm sure you've got a lot to say, too.” He knows he's being too abrupt. But he needs to say but he needs to and he needs to say it quick before he loses everything. 

”...of course. I'll contact you whenever I find free time to meet.” It sounds like he's shuffling on the other side of the phone, ”Have you slept yet? You sound exhausted.” 

Wonshik's taken aback by the obvious worry that Jaehwan was showing. ”Don't worry about it.” He says, ”I'll wait for your text then.” He tries to keep it strictly casual, no need to get personal. 

There is another odd silence before Jaehwan takes the hint that the call is about to end. ”Alright, Shik. But please get some rest and eat well. I remember you telling me that when you're working, you skip meals and sleep.” 

Wonshik feels like his heart broke a little. He's been trying to sound serious to actually get the point across that when they meet, they aren't gonna joke around and such. But he realized that Jaehwan is still his friend but he's talking to him like he's his boss. He can't imagine the pain that the blonde might be feeling. ”Thanks, Jaehwan. I'll see you, bye.” 

When the call ends, his dreams caresses his conscious and he falls asleep.

-

Once again, Jaehwan is biting at his short nails on his lunch break. In the break room, only Sanghyuk and him were in there. ”Hyung, are you alright?” Sanghyuk asks, putting down the sandwich he packed. ”You look pale after that call.”

”A-ah, yeah. I'm fine.” Jaehwan gulps down his anxiousness, or tries to, and smiles reassuringly. 

”You should go home.” Hyuk worryingly presses his hand on top of the blonde's forehead. ”Do you want me to tell Hakyeon-hyung?” 

Jaehwan dismisses the younger male. ”Satan, why are you acting so kind today?” He teases. 

Sanghyuk's mouth gapes open and he flicks Jaehwan on the forehead as he pretends to look offended. ”Gee, I'm not _that_ evil.”

”You stole 10 coupons from Hakyeon.” 

”Okay, I'm kinda evil.” He pouts, ”And don't try to distract me. If you don't feel good, go home. You look like you could use a snooze.” 

The blonde decides to go home. 

Once he steps foot into his old apartment, he collapses his limp body on the couch and exhales a heavy sigh. ”Shit.” He mutters under his breath. He puts his arm over his eyes to cover them and his legs rest on top of some messily placed pillows. ”I guess this is it, huh?” 

He knows why Wonshik called to meet, it was so obvious to him. He couldn't lie to himself now. Jaehwan frowns. When he moved back to Seoul, he did not expect to lose one of his bests friends ever. If someone had told Jaehwan who was living in America that he would confess to Wonshik and then get rejected than he would've laughed but it was obvious now. 

He knows everything he did is his fault but he really doesn't want to lose Wonshik. 

He bit his lip. 

Jaehwan doesn't want to lose the relationship he had with Wonshik. He wants to kiss Wonshik, to go on dates with him, to wake up in the morning with him, to be in love. But he was late! If he had only came back three years earlier. He's bitter, so bitter. He wants Wonshik so badly. His longing for Wonshik has enveloped him whole and he doesn't know what to do. 

But—

Jaehwan would rather be friends with Wonshik than lose him forever. If he'll have to live his life loving Wonshik one-sidely but still be a close bud, he'll endure it. 

-

It's been about one week and Jaehwan has yet to contact Wonshik. Until today. 

While Wonshik was planning the press conference that was going to happen in the near future, his phone dinged and he had to excuse himself out of the meeting to see the text, using the excuse that it was his mother. 

_”Sorry for not texting earlier. I'm not busy today or tomorrow, can we meet up then?”_

Wonshik replies eagerly with: _”Today, can we meet today?”_ He might sound desperate but he could give less of a fuck. 

_”I'll meet you at the old playground we used to play at, there was only one. You know that one.”_

Wonshik is confused. He knows where that's at, it's by his old house. But why there? They used to hang there when their parents would let them. _”Alright.”_

_”See you, today. 6:30?”_

_”See you.”_

He is sighing and his back presses up against the wall behind him as he leans on it. He takes deep breathes as he lays a hand on his beating heart. The press conference is a day before his anniversary. Wonshik hesitates to go back into the meeting. 

Maybe he shouldn't even have the press conference. His plan was to tell everyone the secrets he's been keeping. But now that he's actually going to do it, he felt nervous. Jumpy. Should he let Taekwoon go? Should he let his only happiness fly free away? 

It doesn't matter if Taekwoon would even come back. He's doing this because he's sorry. Because he's feeling so regretful. He decides; fuck it. When he walks back into the meeting room, he's already planning to tell his co-workers why he wants to plan one. 

-

Jaehwan is sitting on the wooden bench by the park. He huffs, the icy air causing fog from his breath, and his hands clasps each other. Damn. He had no idea why he chose to meet here in such cold weather. He can't feel his toes. Maybe he just wanted to feel the nostalgia. Perhaps he hoped that Wonshik would tell him good news since the playground was a place where they'd been happy. 

There was once a funny incident that happened when they were very young. Jaehwan was a professional at climbing the monkey bars from one side to the next. Wonshik had tried to climb like Jaehwan but while he was in the middle of climbing, he needed to go to the bathroom. He was too scared to jump down because when you're a kid, going on the monkey bars was like hanging off a high story building. He kept crying and Jaehwan was telling him that he was not going to die if he let go of the bar, but Wonshik kept thinking that he was going to break his leg. 

”Jaehwan?” 

The soft voice caught his attention and he looked over to see Wonshik bundled up. A black scarf wrapped around his neck and gloves around his hands. ”Wonshik.” His heart sped up increasingly as Wonshik comes and sits besides him, facing towards the playground, his eyebrows furrowed. 

Wonshik was shivering, he didn't know if it was because he was just cold or too scared. Maybe both. 

”I...I miss this place. If I wasn't nearly freezing to death, I'd love if we'd play here again. Just like old times.” Jaehwan's voice brings warmth to Wonshik. 

He doesn't know how to reply so he just stays quiet. Jaehwan also stays quiet. Wonshik's thoughts whirled through his head like the winter wind but he knows exactly how it will go. 

When Wonshik looks at the playground, he thinks of Taekwoon. Whenever Taekwoon wasn't too lazy, they would go on a run together and pass this place. He would jokingly say that whenever they had kids, they'd take them here. 

When Jaehwan looks at the playground, he thinks of the old times. The happy times. That's all. 

Jaehwan took in a deep breath and turned to Wonshik. ”I'm sorry.” He breaks the silence. ”I'm sorry for saying those things to you that night. For kissing you, even though you were dating someone. I— I was just _blinded_.” 

Wonshik blinks. ”It's okay now, I forgive you.” 

”...” Jaehwan takes in, once again, another deep breath to try to calm himself. ”I love you.” 

There was silence before the other man replied. ”I _did_ love you.” Wonshik says, ”But I hesitated to tell you when I had a chance, now I don't want a chance.” 

”Tell me why you wanted to meet.” 

”I wanted to tell you how I felt...I'm sorry, but I don't love you. Not like that.” The younger male stops looking forward and turns to see Jaehwan. ”I confused myself. I thought I loved you too, that I never got over you.” 

Jaehwan is looking directly into his eyes. 

”But I did. I held a place in my heart for you, you were my first love afterall. There was an emotional attachment I had to that connection.” Wonshik is fidgeting and he is the first to look away. ”I've finally figured it out after I lost... _him_. The man I treasure more than the world. I know that it's so unfair for me to be able to have one but lose the other, it's unfair that I get to choose because I'm such as ass. I'm sorry. I love you but it's not the same as the love I feel for him.” 

Wonshik can't tell what Jaehwan is feeling. 

Jaehwan didn't know for sure who he's dating but he still asks, eyes glistening, ”Is it Taekwoon?” He visibly sees Wonshik flinch. 

”Yeah, he's the one. How...did you know?”

”I work at his restaurant.” Wonshik's eyes widen and Jaehwan smiles gently. ”Thank you for rejecting me so kindly. You're way too nice.” He laughs. 

Wonshik doesn't know what to say once again. He couldn't tell if Jaehwan was genuinely happy or depressed. His smile and eyes showed two different things. 

”Again, I'm sorry for ruining everything with you and Taekwoon. I was just so up my ass that I couldn't take the fact that you were with someone else.” The blonde sighs. ”I'm such an asshat.”

A burst of surprised laughter left Wonshik's mouth. Somehow, he's relieved that Jaehwan is joking again so easily, as if nothing has happened. But things did happen, it was just the start of them leaving it all behind. ”You're still the Jaehwan I know.” The corners of his mouth curve up into a gentle smile. ”Thank you for understanding.” 

Jaehwan feels a gush of sadness go through him before he beams, ”Of course.” He says before abruptly looking at his wrist to check the time. ”Oh shoot, I left the stove on at home. I'll talk to you later?” He rushes his words out as he stands up. 

”Alright, better hurry before your apartment is set up in flames.” Wonshik jokes. He watches as Jaehwan pouts before running off into the distance. As he watches his figure turn the corner, he raises an eyebrow. Why the hell was Jaehwan checking the time? He didn't even wear a watch.

Whatever. Jaehwan was always silly, never changed and never will. He smiles to himself as he sits alone. 

Now he's ready to finally announce everything that's been weighing him down.

-

When Wonshik arrives home, he throws his shoes off and runs to his studio. He pushes his jacket off his shoulders and his scarf slid off his body onto the floor besides his jacket. He turned on the purple lamp that dimmed the room a calming color. 

Wonshik pulls out his phone and sets it on top a flat surface by his computer. The camera faced him and he fixes his hair. After looking at least half decent, he presses on the VLive app and goes live. 

_”Ravi~~~~~”_

_”I didn't expect this!”_

_”Hi”_

_”So handsome”_

__

”Hello everyone!” Wonshik smiles. ”Welcome, welcome.” 

He read a comment from one of his fans. _”What's this for?”_

”What's this for? Well, I'm hear to announce that I'm going to have a press conference soon.” Wonshik says. ”Also I wrote a new song.” 

_”New song? ❤️❤️❤️”_

_”Sing it pls”_

_”Ravi”_

_”When?”_

__

The kind comments make his smile brighter. ”The press conference date is December twenty third. You can watch it on TV, channel *****.” 

He read a few more comments in peace. 

”You guys want to hear the song?” He laughs. ”Alright, alright.” 

He grabs his phone and swings around on his chair to his computer. He places it in front of him, then he looks in his folder for the song. ”It's called Poison.” Wonshik reaches for his headphones. He presses a button and the music starts flowing into the room. ”I don't have a singer to do the parts I can't, so I'll be doing the rap.” The calming rhythm plays a bit before his rap parts come up and he takes a deep breath before starting. 

The microphone is in front of his lips and he's staring directly at the camera. _”Your lips destroy my body, as if you had something to say. Your hesitant expression gives me an insecure feeling.”_ He thinks of Taekwoon as he wrote those lyrics. _”Are you preparing me for a greater suffering to come? My hunches are usually wrong...I hope this time too. God can play me like a fool, so long as you crush my predictions.”_

_”Please...” He shuts his eyes, ”Please.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh shiiiIiIIIiIIiIiIt. THE END IS COMING. Next chapter is the last one (hopefully) and it's gonna be HELLA LONG. 
> 
> I just want to say this beforehand: I'm sorry if the ending does not please you guys. I've been writing it for a while but I keep deleting my progress because I don't think it's gonna please people. :/ Last chapter might take a while to be published. 
> 
> Did you enjoy this chapter?


	11. Poison 2/2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *read last chapter if you forgot what happened lmao*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies, I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve updated.
> 
> Most of you have probably forgotten what has happened last chapter so if you have, maybe you should read the last one real quick before reading this one. :) enjoy the last chapter, this one’s a doosy because this chapter is long as FUCK.

_Knock knock_

Hakyeon puts down his feather duster once he heard two hard knocks on the door. The brunette runs to a nearby mirror to fix his hair. _”I didn't expect anyone...”_ He thinks to himself. ”I'm going, I’m going!” 

When he opens the door, he's met with a familiar tall man with silver locks on his head. ”Hakyeon! Sorry to bother you, is Taekwoon here?” 

Hakyeon stares at him quietly, he's tempted to slam shut the door but his hand stays still on the door. ”Why do you want to see him?” He asks defensively, drilling holes in Wonshik with his eyes. 

Wonshik obviously knows why he acts like this and he doesn't blame him. ”I just...want to tell him something.” He says. ”I'm not here to cause more harm than I already have.” 

The brunette man has his lips pressed together in a thin line. ”You know that you hurt him, so why do you want to see Taekwoon again?” 

He sees Wonshik grasp his hands together. ”I know I hurt him, but I'm going to apologize even though I know that's not enough. I also want to tell him something.” 

Hakyeon’s silent before sighing. He opens the door farther. ”Come in, I want to talk to you.” They stare at each other, Wonshik’s eyebrows raising in confusion and Hakyeon’s glare still evident on his face. 

Hesitantly, the silver-haired man walks in. He takes off his shoes and slides his sock-covered feet into the pink slippers in front of him. ”Sorry it's a mess. I didn't finish cleaning yet.” 

Wonshik looks around, finding that the small apartment was more than clean. It looked like a modern place, walls painted a calming green (which was strange for wall color) and the furniture was an odd shade of orange that fit the whole apartment. The colors reminded him of a salad with dark greens and carrots. He could faintly smell traces of Taekwoon’s sweet cologne.

”Just sit anywhere.” Hakyeon says as he closes the door, ”Want anything?” 

”No thanks.” He takes a seat on the orange couch. 

”I just redecorated. How does it look?” 

”Like a salad.” Oof, good one idiot. Wonshik gapes for one second before holding a hand to his mouth. ”Sorry, I don't mean it in a bad way.” 

”...Taekwoon said the same thing.” He softly chuckles. ”Let’s not to waste time. I know that you kissed another man that isn't Taekwoon. At a club, right?” 

 

He expected Hakyeon to say that. 

”Taekwoon and I were hanging out one night, a friend of ours were at the club while we were all video chatting. He saw you two and took a picture.” Hakyeon says and Wonshik looks down at the wood floor. ”Why did you reject Jaehwan?” 

Damn. They...they saw? Taekwoon saw? The pain that he must have felt, the heartache—makes Wonshik want to vomit. His lips are pressed together before he speaks. He almost forgot that Taekwoon, Hakyeon, and Jaehwan worked together.

”Because I didn't love Jaehwan, I love Taekwoon.” 

”I'm glad you did what you did. Still, you kissed him twice? Once is an accident, twice is on purpose.” The older male huffs. ”How could you let Jaehwan get that close?” His voice raises and he's holding his forehead as if Wonshik’s a simple child who’s getting scolded by his mom. 

”Yeah, I was — _am_ — a dumbass. And I'm sorry about that, I should've pushed him off immediately.” Wonshik sighs. ”But I didn't and that's where I'm wrong. I want to explain this situation to Taekwoon but he won't pick up. And I don't blame him.” 

Hakyeon's eyes look at him, sadness glistening the brown orbs. A faint frown is edged into his lips. ”Don’t say sorry to me.” He pauses, “And...Taekwoon isn't doing good.” He whispers. ”He misses you everyday, even though he _shouldn't._ He cries when he's asleep and...whispers your name.” 

Wonshik is speechless and his stomach churns. ”I-I'm sorry—”

”I'll only let you see him when _I_ think the time is right.” His voice is stern. ”I know I shouldn't be involved, but I am. He's my best friend, Wonshik. You've hurt him.” 

The younger man bites the inside of his cheek. ”I...I understand.” But he really doesn’t. He doesn’t understand and doesn’t want to because all he could think about was Taekwoon. Yet, it doesn't matter. ”But...can you give this to him? I was hoping to give it to him today myself but I don’t think it’s a good idea.” He pulls out a square card with a date on it. 

_12/23/18, Channel *****, 5:00 PM_

”What is this?” Hakyeon has the information in his fingertips. 

”I'm broadcasting a press conference.” Wonshik says, ”I'll be talking about something I should've said years ago.” 

Hakyeon hums in acknowledgement and walks Wonshik to the entrance. ”Oh, and...thanks Hakyeon, for talking to me. About Taekwoon.” 

”We aren't friends,” The brunette crosses his arms, ”I'm doing this because I care about him.” 

-

Taekwoon quietly walks inside the apartment. ”Taekwoon, you're home?” Hakyeon comes over and grabs a couple of the grocery bags to relief his friend's arms. He silently nods.

”I'm...gonna go in my room. For a little bit.” Taekwoon softly smiles, even though it was a fake one, and pats the older male's shoulder. ”Want me to cook dinner later?” 

Hakyeon tries to hide his growing frown. ”Uh, yeah. Have fun in your room.” The other male walks off and gently shuts the door to his room behind him, leaving Hakyeon alone. 

He knows that Taekwoon is suffering. 

-

”Taekwoon.” 

The man turns to Hakyeon, who calls his name. He stops wiping the table top. ”Yeah?” He rubs his damp hands together after he places the moist rag on the clean surface. 

”Let's have a drink before closing up.” Hakyeon's bright smile is on his lips. 

Taekwoon was pondering, staring at the older man. ”Why?” 

”It's been awhile since we've last drank together.” He says, ”So why not?” 

Taekwoon eventually agreed after Hakyeon gave him those puppy eyes, those signature _Would-you-just-do-it-or-I’ll-mope-for-an-eternity?_ eyes. Hakyeon runs to the back of the kitchen and shuffles through supplies to find something for them to drink while Taekwoon sits at a table. 

He chose a table that gave him good memories. Wonshik and him usually sat at the back of the restaurant by the big windows opening into the street. They were across from each other. Taekwoon looked to the other side of the table, expecting a familiar smile on a familiar man but he sees emptiness in the seat and frowns. Instead, he chooses to look out the window into the dark streets. 

Hakyeon comes back quickly with pack of cheap soju. ”Wait, I'll go get the shot glasses.” 

Alone. Taekwoon's alone again. But only for a few seconds before Hakyeon jumps into the seat in front of him and places the glass cups down loudly. ”Let's get started!” He says, optimistically. 

A faint smile paints Taekwoon's pretty face, he stares at Hakyeon and imagines Wonshik in this happy eyes of his.  
-

”Goddamm...” Taekwoon clinks his bottle of soju onto the glass shot, knocking it over. ”I hate everything!” Fuck the shot glass, right? He chugs down the bottle instead. His face is red as a tomato and his smile is as wide as his shoulders. 

”You're drunk.” Hakyeon laughs heartily. 

”No shit, Sherlock .” He giggles and takes another drink. The younger male softly patted his friend's puffy cheeks. ”Guess what.” 

”What?” The brunette took a swig of his bottle before his eyes set onto the drunk's. 

”I miss Wonshik.” Taekwoon shut his eyes and sighs. He lays his head on the table. ”What an asshole.” 

”I know you miss him.” Hakyeon pets Taekwoon's fluffy brown hair. 

 

“Yeah but he’s an asshole. I’m not going to forgive him so easily…” Taekwoon sighs. 

“He doesn’t deserve you.” Hakyeon shoots right back, giving him a genuine smile. Taekwoon scoffs. 

”I have something else to say.” Taekwoon laughs, sounding like a complete airhead or a typical teenage girl trying to woo her crush. ”You know that I have to work tomorrow night. Right?” Hakyeon nods. “Well, now I don't! I quit that nightclub.” 

Hakyeon stops his calming movements and removed his hand from the other's hair. ”What? Why?” He asks, flabbergasted. ”You loved that place.” 

Taekwoon peaks up at him. ”Hmm.” He looks at the older man's face. ”I pass by the dance floor everytime to get to the kitchen. I always think of that...that dumb picture of Jaehwan kissing Wonshik. Always. Then I miss him again.” 

Hakyeon's heart pains in his chest. ”You should...get over him.” He mumbles as he looks away. ”You deserve much better than him.” He repeats what he said earlier. 

Taekwoon's face contorts to a confused expression, he visibly pouts. Why would he say that? ”Y’know, I wish I could but he _makes me happy._ ” 

”Are you sure?” Hakyeon asks. ”Why do you look so sad now?” 

”Because he's not with me.” Taekwoon is so tired, he feels sleep overthrowing him. It’s quiet afterwards, and Hakyeon almost wants to slap Taekwoon and to yell at him for being such a fool. But he doesn’t and let’s Taekwoon drift to sleep. 

Once Hakyeon makes sure Taekwoon a goner, he pulls his cellphone out. He gives Taekwoon another look before dialing a number in.  
-

”Taekwoon.”

He groans when he hears Hakyeon's voice and swats the hand away that shakes his shoulder. 

” _Taekwoon._ ” A deep, calming voice calls his name sweetly. 

His eyes fly open and he sits up from his crouching position, hands flat on the nice table. He sees Wonshik. _Yes, that Wonshik._ Standing in front of him. His emotions burst all at the same time and his heart skips several beats as he looks at him. He hasn't seen Wonshik in a long time. His breathing feels like it's come to a halt. 

”W...what?” His voice comes out a bit croaky, ”Why are you here?” Suddenly, he feels... _weird— no, angry_. Maybe the alcohol has finally made him dumb, or maybe it’s because this asshole standing in front of him fucking kissed his co-worker on the dance floor at _his_ work place? ”For Jaehwan? He's off work. I'm sure you know where his apartment is. Go there.” 

”I'm not here for Jaehwan.” Wonshik says. ”I'm here to take you home.” He looks at Taekwoon, eyes glued to his new hair color. Brown, huh? It was the first time he'd seen Taekwoon with brown hair in real life, only in old photos had he seen the color on his locks. 

”You're a liar.” Taekwoon hisses, interrupting Wonshik's observation, and glares at him. 

Hakyeon is wincing at the tense atmosphere. He whispers to Taekwoon. ”Calm down.” 

Wonshik's eyes follow Hakyeon as he gets close to Taekwoon, looking uncomfortable. Taekwoon smirks, yet his eyebrows are furrowed and his expression is pained. ”Do you know how it feels to be cheated on?” He asks the silver-haired man. 

”Taekwoon...” His voice is weak. “I’m sorry. I really am.” 

Taekwoon flinches. He feels like what he’s doing is wrong yet he can’t control himself. Before he could even think about his actions, Taekwoon grabs Hakyeon's collar, causing the older man to widen his eyes, and he pulls the shirt towards him. Their face gets close and Hakyeon could smell the alcohol before their lips touch and their noses awkwardly smush together. 

Wonshik pushed Hakyeon away and he is staring furiously at Taekwoon, who was nearly in tears. He could feel his cheeks heat up in anger as he’s glaring down at Taekwoon. ”It hurts, doesn't it?” 

Hakyeon gets off the floor and runs to the break room, slamming the door shut behind home.

Everything is frozen. The eye-contact between the two was deathly. Wonshik decided to break the eye-contact by sighing and looking away. ”Come on. You're tired, let's go home.” He whispers, his teeth obviously gritting together to keep himself calm. ”I'll help you.” 

”I _don't_ need you to help me.” Taekwoon snaps with vemon. He doesn't mean it. He knows he doesn't mean it but he's drunk and he can't fucking think straight. 

Wonshik felt like he couldn't breathe. The pain in his chest was constricting him, making him feel...emotions. He quietly looks at the older man. 

Taekwoon looks away first this time, eyebrows furrowed and a pout on his lips. He places his palm on the table and grips the edge before lifting himself off of the seat. He tries to take his first step but his legs thought it'd be the best idea to not work. He wobbles and stumbles on his step, falling forward.

Wonshik wraps his arms around Taekwoon's broad shoulders, holding him in a warm embrace that was so familiar. Taekwoon grips onto his jacket on instinct.

They're both surprised but neither one of the males let go. It's been too long. Too long since they've seen each other. Since they've touched each other.

”W-Why're you here?” Taekwoon whispers, his cheeks flush red from the close proximity of his body. ”Why...why do you still care?” He bites his lower lip. He sounds weak, vulnerable. Taekwoon thinks for a quick second that he could possibly be bi-polar. 

”Because,” Wonshik pulls him closer and tighter. ”I love you.” 

Hot tears are forming in the older man's eyes and he feels strong frustration, but he refuses to cry. ”Why did you break my heart?” 

”I'm sorry.” 

Taekwoon is tired. So tired. ”I really love you, goddamnit...why can't I fucking get over you?” 

-

Taekwoon wakes up with a groan and the sun shining too brightly in his face. Goddamn, can’t the sun give him a break? His eyes adjusted to the sunlight and he sat up. His head was throbbing, aching in pain. He looks around and recognizes it as Wonshik's and his old room. The room is a bit messy(by a bit, he means a lot). Clothes on the floor, closet opened wide with shirts shoved inside, bed half-ass made. 

While looking around the room, he spots a bottle of painkillers and water. Underneath the bottle of pills was a note. He scooted over to the edge of the bed, throwing his feet out of the covers, and he pops some pills in his mouth before swallowing them down with water. 

Before grabbing the note, he hesitates. His fingertips ghost over the paper, then picks it up. As he unfolds it, he feels queasy. 

_”I'm sorry, Taekwoon. I had to leave to prepare for a press conference. Please turn on the TV, channel ***** at 5:00 PM. By the way, your hair looks beautiful.”_

Wonshik's messy handwriting makes Taekwoon feel a slap of nostalgia when they'd write notes to one another if their jobs didn't let them meet. Press conference? TV? He wonders what that's about, does it even involve him? And as he reads the last sentence again, his heart flutters. 

Taekwoon scowls when he realizes when he's doing it again. Missing Wonshik again. He crumbles the paper and throws it right into the trashbin filled with other paper balls. He sighs before standing up, his legs wobbled slightly since he was still quite dazed. He notices that he had not been wearing his work uniform, but Wonshik's pajamas. The loose, light blue pants were comfortable around his long legs and the long sleeve warmed him. Taekwoon's original outfit laid folded at the end of the bed. 

He walks past his clothes and leaves the room. He doesn't know why he didn't just _leave_. 

As Taekwoon turns the corner and sees the living room, looking as messy as his room was. The clock above the TV read 4:46 PM. _Damn. I must've slept for hours._ He emptily thinks to himself. 

He goes back into the room after realizing that he couldn't just wait for Wonshik to come home. Taekwoon changes into his wrinkly white button up and black pants. 

While fixing his collar, his phone slips off the bed hitting the wood floor. Sighing, he bends over and grabs it. 

”Oh shit.” Taekwoon mumbles. He forgot to call Hakyeon. Then, he winces as he thinks about Hakyeon and what he did to him last night. He kissed him. He kissed Hakyeon. Not only that, but he did it in front of Wonshik. His own hand hits his cheek, slapping him into reality. 

Worryingly, he scrolls through his numbers and finds Hakyeon's. Each ring passes along with his anxious feelings. 

Hakyeon doesn't pick up. 

Taekwoon tries again. 

But same result. 

He calls again. And again. He sends him some texts. _”Hakyeon, I'm sorry! Please pick up.”_ Taekwoon shoves his phone into his back pocket after calling for the millionth time. 

Where would he go now? He's sure that Hakyeon wouldn't want him at his apartment since he won't even pick up the phone. Sanghyuk's place? No, Sanghyuk and him were still tense from that one outbreak he had. He didn't want to stay at this apartment but he misses it. He's been living here with Wonshik for two years. 

Taekwoon goes to the living room again. Besides the lamp on top a black counter along side the couch, he spots a framed photo. He walks towards it and grabs the frame. The picture was of a happy couple. The two stood in front of an amusement ride, both doing peace signs at the camera and smiling. But they didn't stand by each other. They didn't even look like they were a couple. They were far away from each other, in between was a mascot of the amusement park. To not look suspicious, the couple stood far from each other but close enough to seem like good friends. 

He squints to see Wonshik's smiling face more clearly. He frowns, _why does Wonshik still have this?_ He puts the photo face down. 

Taekwoon goes over to the couch and sits at the very end. His head leaned back against the cushion, his arms and legs sprawled out. Wonshik probably wouldn't be home in a while so he decides that he'll just sit down for a couple of minutes. 

His eyes shut. The feeling of the familiar couch made him want to simply sink into it and never leave. Taekwoon breathes in deeply before quickly exhaling. 

He thinks to last night when he was drinking with Hakyeon and again, feels guilt swirling around his stomach. It didn't matter if he was drunk, he still did it. He remembers how Wonshik abruptly pushed Hakyeon away and looked at him with angry eyes. 

Part of him believed that he was jealous because he loved him but another part thinks that Wonshik pretended to act jealous and just wants him back so he can use him and then just leave for Jaehwan. Jaehwan, Jaehwan, Jaehwan. It always come back to either him or Wonshik, which pisses Taekwoon off. 

Taekwoon is tempted to rid himself of Wonshik's life and live without seeing him ever again. How could he have just broken his heart? But he wants to talk about it to Wonshik, too. Wants to hear what he has to say. Yet he probably wouldn't hear a single word the younger male said because he's be angry, yelling, and arguing. 

His phone ringing interrupts his train of thought. When he pulls out his phone, he sees that Hakyeon is calling him. Thank god! Without hesitation, Taekwoon picks up the call. “Hello?” He asks. 

“Taekwoon.” He hears from the other side of the phone.

”Hakyeon, are you okay? Why didn't you pick up?” 

”Taekwoon, I'm sorry.” Hakyeon's voice sounds hoarse. 

Taekwoon feels a cold sweat break out and he presses the phone closer to his ear, as if doing that could make him understand more clearly. ”What's wrong? If anyone should be apologizing, it should be me.” 

”No, no.” The older man hastily says. ”I've been keeping a secret from you.” 

”Everyone keeps secrets.” He replies hastily, thinking about Wonshik having sexual affairs with him. 

”I kept a secret that has kept you suffering.” Hakyeon's got Taekwoon on the edge of anxiety. What the hell is he talking about? ”Ever since you left Wonshik, you've been thinking that he slept with Jaehwan— that he accepted Jaehwan. Which makes you _so_ sad. But you're wrong.” 

Taekwoon is now standing, he grips his phone in his hand. Surprise flushed his face. ”But in the picture, they were kissing. _Kissing._ What're you even talking about?” He slightly exclaims. ”You can't tell me he wasn't _accepting_ him.” _And ruining my trust along with our relationship._ He decides against saying that. 

”After the photo was taken, Hyuk said that Wonshik pushed him off and ran out of the club.” Hakyeon sounded so stressed and angry, his words coming out frantically. ”When you went home that night, you saw him didn't you? No, he wasn't with Jaehwan that night because he left!” 

Taekwoon is speechless and confused. The fuck. 

”You should have saw him at home when you left.” 

”How do you know if Hyuk is telling the truth? He's Satan.” Taekwoon lamely says, voice shaky. He did see Wonshik home that night but... ”What difference does that even—”

”It makes a whole lot of difference! You thought he's done everything under the sun that resolves love with him...but he couldn't even _kiss_ Jaehwan without pushing him away.” Hakyeon defends. ”Sanghyuk would never lie about this, either!” 

Taekwoon is still trying to take it in. He's been thinking — morning, evening, night — about Wonshik having _sex_ with Jaehwan, taking him on _dates_ , he even thought for a few hours about Wonshik telling him that he's going to work only to hang out with Jaehwan that day Jaehwan wasn't at work. ”I...” 

Hakyeon gulps down a sob. ”I'm not saying he's a good person, but you need to talk. I don't know what happened the first time he and Jaehwan kissed but you guys need to talk.” 

”How long have you known?” Taekwoon's grip on his phone lightens and he roughly wipes away the streaming tears down his face with his free hand. God, when had he become such a baby? 

”When you saw the picture and left, I got a text from Sanghyuk.” Hakyeon says, ”Then I called him and he told me about it. Kiss didn't even last for a second.” 

” _Why?”_ ” Taekwoon cries quietly, ”Why didn't you tell me? I hit him...I hurt him. I didn't want to listen. I hurt him and myself.” He knows that it isn't Hakyeon's fault but he can't help but say it. 

”I'm sorry, Taekwoon.” The older man mumbles. ”I- I was... _jealous._ ” 

Taekwoon gets even more confused — wow, that's possible — and opens his mouth to reply back with a 'what the hell are you talking about? Jealous? Of what?' but he's cut off. 

”Wonshik's going to do something at 5:00, make sure to turn on the TV. Channel *****. I'm sure it's important, he wanted you to watch it.” 

”Hakyeo—” 

_Beep, beep, beep._

This bitch hung up. Taekwoon pulls the phone away from his face and he confirmed that he did indeed hang up. 

Taekwoon's stressing, he's confused, he's a fucking mess. He throws his phone to the other side of the room and wishes to sink into the couch once he practically collapses on it. His long fingers are grabbing at his hair and his eyes are shut closed. 

Taekwoon hates love. He hates it with a passion. Yet he keeps finding himself thinking about Wonshik, loving Wonshik. 

His eyes open, his wet eyelashes move with his eyelids. He looks at the clock on the wall above the TV, reading the clock. 5:05. A stretch of his arm and he grabs the remote on the coffee table. 

The TV switches on with a static sound and he looks through the channel, only stopping when he sees Wonshik on screen. He's surprised. 

Worshik has his hair styled to show off his forehead. There he stood, in front of a whole crowd of paparazzi and reporters, but he still looks as confident and cool as always. He has a sad smile curved into his face. ”I'm sorry everyone, but this isn't about a new album or anything that involves music.” His voice is loud and calming. ”It's about a personal matter that I've decided to share today.” 

Bright camera flashes wash over his God-like face but he remains the same, cool and stern. 

Taekwoon has a somewhat nervous feeling at the back of his mind. ”You are _not_ about to do this right now.” He mumbles to himself under his breath. He isn’t sure what Wonshik’s doing but he’s scared, albeit excited, too. 

Wonshik is sweating, a nervous drip coming down from his hairline to his forehead. Oh wow, now that he’s doing this...he’s scared. “I...I’m just gonna say it.” 

He’s obviously loosing his cool and the cameras flashing in his face just proves to him that he can’t go back now, not that he wants to anyway. 

_“I’m gay.“_

Years of hiding himself from the world, years of pretending to be not interested in a relationship, years of girls flirting with him. That’s over now. 

The crowd gasps, some laugh. “Funny joke, Wonshik!” One of the member of a magazine company yells out, his camera takes a few more pictures. 

Wonshik expected that some would doubt him. But it still hurts his pride nonetheless. “I’m not joking. I do like men.“ He says, “And up ‘till recently, I was dating the greatest man I’ve ever met. But I screwed it up.“ Cameras flash more violently, and he had to squint his eyes even more so he could focus. 

“Wonshik! Wonshik! When did you know you were gay?”

“Why did you not speak out about the rumors of you and Jimin?”

“Who is the man?”

“Why did you decide to—“

“Everyone, please.” Wonshik’s gripping onto the microphone in his hand and his eyes shut in frustration before looking towards the paparazzi and reporters. “Let me continue.” 

It’s quiet again. 

“I thought I fell in love with another while I was with him. And...and I just went with the feeling. I stopped talking to him and started texted, meeting up, and laughing more with the other man. I didn’t even realize that I’ve hurt him until recently.” 

He wonders if Jaehwan is watching now. Is he proud or upset? Will they still be friends after this? And then his mind thinks about Taekwoon, the quiet man that stole his heart ever since the beginning. 

“I thought it was love because that other man was my first ever love, my childhood best friend that was always there for me until he left. I was longing for him for years and I was so caught up with that idea that...I didn’t realize it was a mistake. I hurt the man I truly loved.” Wonshik looks around the room, at the faces of the people. He couldn’t tell how they felt. “We’ve been dating for two years and I screwed it up. Now, I’m ready to show how much I really love him.” 

He takes a deep breath and looks directly into the camera, and he’s hoping — _praying_ — that Taekwoon is watching. “I love you, and I’m so sorry. But I’m not afraid to show the world our love now, I’m not afraid of anything but the future. I hope my fans and others will understand, and if they don’t...I don’t care.” 

To Wonshik’s utter surprise, they clapped. They being the crowd. It makes Wonshik’s heart beat faster, he’s watching as he’s being supported and he feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He’s not carrying everything anymore, he’s not hiding such important things anymore. He’ll have to meet Taekwoon and apologize directly, too. But right now, he feels like everything is fixed just for a second. As if Taekwoon is still with him. He almost forgets he’s on live television and some parents will likely switch off the tv so their kids don’t have to watch but he hopes there are others who will support him— them. 

He after he wipes away his hot tears, he drops his head, bends his back into a bow, and whispers a string of thank you’s. 

-

After answering questions for a few hours with the press, Wonshik finally gets to escape the madness. There were many different reactions to his coming out, but most were positive. A light feeling of freedom makes his heart jump. 

Now, he’s walking to his apartment. His plan is to take a quick shower (as if his normal showers are that long anyway), and to visit Hakyeon’s place to see Taekwoon. He hopes that Taekwoon isn’t asleep, it is late after all.

But he almost doesn’t want to see Hakyeon. 

He pulls out his keys and jabs it into the keyhole. He walks in and covers his mouth as he yawns.

Wonshik walks halfway into the short hallway before realizing that the bedroom light is still on. A bolt of shock goes through his body, he’s frozen in his tracks. 

There could be three reasons that the light’s on. 1. He forgot to turn it off. Quite possibly considering how much of a rush he was in to get to the studio. 2. Someone broke in, he’s in danger and could possibly get ambushed in less than two seconds due to his aching limbs. Or 3. Taekwoon is still there. 

He hopes it’s option three. He’s been hoping a lot. 

Wonshik peaks through the crack in the door and sees _option three._

Taekwoon is there, sitting on the edge of the bed with an iPod in his hand. A pair of headphones sit snug on his ears and Wonshik hears the unfinished version of _Poison_ faintly playing through them. His eyes are shut, his head softly moving to the music. 

Taekwoon seems to notice him, because after Wonshik’s rap, he takes the headphones off. 

Wonshik probably looks like a complete fool with his mouth opened in surprise, his hair an absolute mess, his eyes a bit red and puffy, and his clothes messed up from head to toe. 

Taekwoon softly smiles at him. A smile, at Wonshik, directed to him. He could see the brunette shaking slightly. When he stands up from the bed, it creaks like it always does. 

It’s quiet as Taekwoon walks in front of Wonshik. They look at each other, scanning for any clue of what’s going to happen. 

Wonshik tried to usher words out of his mouth, but he’s speechless. Instead, he shuts his fish mouth and admires Taekwoon’s pretty face. He would always stare at his beautiful features when he woke up before him(which was a rare occurrence). Those sharp, charming eyes that are watching him don’t stop when he meets them. His brunette hair looks good on him, really good. Taekwoon’s red hair would make him look quite fierce like a lion but brown makes him look soft and calm. Oh god, he wants to cry again. 

Suddenly, without warning, long arms wrap around his neck, pulling him close. Warmth envelops him and his heart nearly jumps out of his chest. The scent of light, fruity shampoo makes him realize that this is reality— it is real and Taekwoon really is with him. Hugging him. 

On instinct, Wonshik hugs back, gripping onto him for dear life. He embraces Taekwoon’s shaking body. 

Taekwoon promised himself that he wouldn’t cry once Wonshik came back, but he might have to break it. He takes a sniff at the familiar scent that Wonshik had, it calmed him. He shuts his eyes before tears could fall out and snuggles his face into the crook of Wonshik’s neck. 

Taekwoon could tell that Wonshik was crying by the way his breathing sped up and how he squeezes him in his arms. Wonshik was always a crybaby. “Taekwoon, I’m sorry. For everything, I’m so sorry.” He mumbles with a weak voice into Taekwoon hair. 

Taekwoon can’t help but shed a few tears, despite his orders not to but ignores them. He rubs circles into Wonshik back like what Wonshik would do when he was tired after a day of work. 

“I’ll never do it again. Never.” Wonshik chokes out. “I’m sorry, don’t leave me.” 

“I’ll never leave you again.” Taekwoon softly whispers, a smile on his lips. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too. So much.” 

-

If Taekwoon’s being honest, not everything is fine and dandy after Wonshik finally came out. There are still problems and both men know that. “I’ll have a hard time trusting you again. You could be falling for another man.” He chuckles lightly but there’s no humor behind what he said.

They’re laying in bed, limbs tangled and bodies holding each other. They breathe in unison and their tired eyes are shut. 

“I know, but I’ll earn your trust back.” Wonshik says. “And you might not believe me but the only man I love is you.” 

Taekwoon is quiet again. 

He knows that all Wonshik did was _kiss_ Jaehwan two times and he might be overreacting like he always does, but it still hurt him. 

“I’m sorry for...hitting you.” Taekwoon whispers. He could hear Wonshik’s steady breathing, calm and collected. 

“Don’t apologize, I deserved it.” Wonshik laughs. “Thanks. For smacking me into reality.” 

“You’re welcome.” It’s been so long since Taekwoon’s felt relieved in Wonshik’s arms. He snuggles closer. “Have- have you seen Jaehwan recently?” 

Wonshik opens his eyes, they look directly in the older man’s brown ones. “I have.” 

Taekwoon’s stomach churns and his mouth grows dry. Before he can say anything, he gets cut off. 

“I told him that I didn’t feel the same way.” The younger male simply smiled down at him, his bright teeth nearly blinding Taekwoon. “And he apologized. For, uh, everything.” 

Taekwoon can’t help but frown. Geez, he was such an asshole to Jaehwan for the past few days. He’s been an asshole to everyone, actually. “Was he okay afterwards?”

The question sparks interest, Wonshik raises his eyebrows. “He smiled after all that and we talked for a few minutes before he had to go. Why?” 

“I’ve been a real dick to him.” Taekwoon sighs. He’s shouted, ignored, and even thought of firing Jaehwan for no absolute reason besides the fact that he made moves on his man. “I don’t know if I want to apologize to him but I should.” 

“I’m sure that he’ll understand. Maybe you don’t have to.” 

“Maybe...” 

Wonshik suddenly sits up, pulling the blanket off of both men. “Would you like to go on a walk?” 

Taekwoon looks at him like he’s crazy, “This late? In this weather?” 

“Yeah.” Wonshik smiles, “Just to clear our minds. Unless you’re too tired, you are quite old.”

The brunette lets out a scoff, “I’m never tired, Wonshik. Let’s go then.”

And just like that, they’re walking down the street— in complete darkness. Wonshik would usually be afraid of people seeing him and Taekwoon together, but he doesn’t care now. He used to fear standing too close, but now they’re hand in hand, looking forward. 

He should be worried about not getting much sleep since he had been up since 4 A.M. thinking about doing the press conference but the fresh air wakes him back up. 

Each step they take, the thin layer of snow beneath them crunches. 

Wonshik goes forward a bit quicker and Taekwoon walks slowly behind him. When they turn the corner, he leads the brunette to the nearby park. 

“I played at this park a million times as a kid, it was like my second home.” The silver-haired man smiles at him. Taekwoon already knows because he’s told him many times but he doesn’t mind listening to him talk about it again. “I’ll swing you, yeah?” 

“But I’m heavy.” 

“And I work out.” 

After giving Taekwoon a pout with glistening eyes, Taekwoon groans and pushes off the snow on the swing before sitting on it. “Okay, but your arms are gonna be sore.” His hand wraps around the chains. 

It’s nearly Christmas eve and they’re outside, at 11 something, hanging in a child’s playground. Usually, Taekwoon would think they’re crazy. They’re gonna freeze to death and he isn’t ready to let Hakyeon become the owner of their restaurant because who knows how crazy he’s gonna be? But, instead, he feels a bit fresh and...new? He isn’t sure. 

Wonshik’s glove-covered hands push Taekwoon gently on the swing. After pushing about three times, he’s already tired. 

“It’s okay, Wonshik. I’m a grown man, I’m sure I could push myself.” 

Wonshik sighs and takes the swing next to him. “Yeah, just thought it’d be romantic if I did that.” 

The brunette chuckles lightly. 

“Do you mind if we take a picture?” Wonshik’s head leans into the chain, his eyes gazing into Taekwoon. The atmosphere is weird, like it always is after a fight. “You look pretty in the light.” 

“If you want, but that’s random. And...pretty?” Taekwoon scrunches his nose as he smiles, “I’d prefer handsome but thanks.” 

“You used to be so shy.” Wonshik laughs before pulling out his phone. 

Taekwoon has no idea why in the world he’d want a photo when he’s had millions, but he fixes his hair anyway. 

“Smile.” Wonshik beams, leans closer, and looks at the screen. Taekwoon faintly smiles with no teeth showing(that’s just what he does), but Wonshik looks away from the camera before pressing a soft kiss onto the older man’s pink cheeks. He snaps the picture right then, which looks incredibly foolish because Taekwoon’s surprised expression shows clearly. 

“Wonshik!” Taekwoon neck chops his neck. “We’re in public.” 

“I think you forgot I came out today.” He stands up from his swing and wraps his arms around Taekwoon, once again. “I’m sorry for everything. Again. I know we’ve talked about this but...I’m still sorry.” 

Taekwoon’s heart is _dancing_ with joy, complete and utter joy. “I told you, it’s okay. We’ll...get through this together.” He hugs him back tightly, taking in the cold from his jacket but warmth from his body heat. 

“I love you.” Wonshik whispers before untangling himself. “And I’d love to hug you here forever but it’s cold. So let’s go home.” 

“Why did we even come here in the first place?” He smiles before getting up and dusting off his pants. “For a picture?” 

“I don’t know. Just to clear our messed up minds.” The younger man scratches the back of his head, “We’ve walked around here before but never hung out.” 

“Because it’s for kindergarteners.” 

Wonshik grabs his lover’s hand. “Let’s just go.” 

-

Once Jaehwan woke up, he checks his phone like he always does. It’s really unhealthy, his obsession with the damn thing, but he doesn’t care as he scrolls through Twitter. When he taps on the trending page, he sees a small picture of Wonshik and Taekwoon together and besides it— the articles reads: 

_”Famous k-pop idol, Ravi, posts a picture of him and his boyfriend on Instagram!”_

Jaehwan presses on the link and sees the photo of the two love birds, Wonshik’s kissing Taekwoon on his cheek and Taekwoon looks shocked. A sigh escapes his lips. 

He’s glad. Glad that Wonshik’s finally come out, glad that Taekwoon looks twice as happy in that picture than he did the whole month. The cruel thing about this all is that he still can’t accept that they’re _together._ He has no right yet— yet it’s so hard. 

He goes out of twitter and throws his phone on the bed, it hits the soft comforters. Today was Christmas Eve, so he should probably go back to America to visit his dad and his new wife, along with his baby sister. But Seoul is just filled with so much memories of Christmas when he was young that he almost doesn’t want to. 

A taste of South Korea, a look at his childhood, a feeling of warmth and love. 

Jaehwan walks through his apartment in pajamas as he gets ready to go to the airport. His blonde hair is a mess, he couldn’t sleep too well the night before. 

After changing into a different set of clothes, he walks to the balcony that overlooks some of the city. A damn building blocks half of his view but he can see most of the scenery. How come they call it a building in America when it’s already built? 

Pulling out a lighter, he sparks a flame onto the cigarette between his lips and puts it away. 

Rejection hurts like a bitch. Like, _goddamn._ Sheesh, he honestly didn’t expect to feel so empty- numb. Loneliness, what a bother, he’s being suffocated and smoking isn’t helping. 

Jaehwan was always an extrovert, ever since he began talking, he’d never stop, and he loved being with people but he doesn’t have the spirit to crack jokes yet. He’ll get over it, but it’ll take time. 

Wonshik is lovely, and he and Taekwoon look happy together. That’s just what he’s gonna have to face up to, no matter how much Wonshik’s loved him in the past, no matter how much he loves Wonshik.

-

Their anniversary is today, but does it even matter? So much has happen in a couple of hours that it’s _crazy_. 

Taekwoon’s getting a million calls from his friends about the recent photo uploaded on Wonshik’s Instagram and Wonshik’s been too scared to look at the comments or anything involving people besides Taekwoon. 

“I...I didn’t get you an anniversary gift this year- it hadn’t cross my mind for the last few weeks.” Wonshik slaps both of his cheeks with the rough palm of his hands. “I’m already screwing up.” 

Taekwoon removes the hands from the younger male’s red face, replacing them with his pale ones. “It’s alright.” He leans in and their noses touch, making Wonshik snort. 

The younger male pulls him into a comforting hug and Wonshik squeezes Taekwoon’s waist softly. He sighs and presses his face into the fabric of his sweater. 

Everything feels so new. Wonshik being the very little amount of idols who came out was an experience for both of them and they weren’t sure how to deal with it. And Taekwoon’s hurt heart which hasn’t healed completely still brings a cloud over their shoulders. 

But everything all right, they know it. 

-

After their short break from work, the three are back again. Jaehwan returns to Korea after visiting his family, Wonshik is in the studio where he’s writing a new album, and Taekwoon’s back in the kitchen trying his best to stop his employees from burning down the whole place. 

When he’s at work, there’s a tense air in the restaurant. It wasn’t as horrible as it was a couple of weeks ago but it was almost as suffocating.

Whenever Jaehwan and Taekwoon are in the same room, they refuse to look at each other’s eyes. Hakyeon has forgiven Taekwoon and Jaehwan is still friendly with him. 

“Goddammit, come with me you two.” Sanghyuk says one day and grabs Taekwoon and Jaehwan by the collar. 

“That’s not how you talk to your hyungs, hyogi.” Jaehwan does an air-headed laugh, but there was no humor. The oldest stays silent, but is staring directly at him which makes Jaehwan sweat excessively. 

Hyuk drags the two into the back storage room and shuts the door. Through the small glass window, he stuck his face there and yells, “I’m not letting you two go until you talk!” He yells, and his voice is muffled by the thick glass. He turns around and the back of his head is seen. 

Taekwoon quietly stares at Jaehwan and his hand is awkwardly rubbing his other arm. Jaehwan is trying to open the door but Sanghyuk’s already locked it. He kicks the ground, obviously frustrated. 

“Jaehwan.” Taekwoon says, his naturally soft voice makes the blonde have to strain to hear him, “I’m— I’m sorry.” He stutters and that makes him want to slap himself. 

Jaehwan is visibly surprised, almost comically. He turns around and raises both his eyebrows with his thick lips open in a surprised ‘o’. “You...you are? For what?” He immediately walks towards him. “I should be the one to apologize.” 

Taekwoon backs up, uncomfortable with the closeness. Who could blame him? This guy and his boyfriend had a thing for each other. Of course he’ll feel uncomfortable being so strangely close but he didn’t let it bother him too much. “I was childish.” Taekwoon sheepishly scratches the back of his neck, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you when you were trying to talk to me.” 

Jaehwan looks at Taekwoon, directly into his dark eyes and straight through to his brain, and he looks troubled. “Taekwoon-hyung, I...was the one in the wrong, you don’t need to apologize at all. I tried to go after someone who has been taken.” 

Taekwoon isn’t gonna lie, he almost wants to punch the blonde in the face. Jaehwan doesn’t mean no hostility behind his words but still, Taekwoon is a violent person even if he doesn’t seem like one. “That is wrong. But you apologized and I never did. I hope you understand I only acted like that because I was hurt.”

Jaehwan felt a stab in his chest. “I’m sorry.” The sincerity in his voice makes Taekwoon’s tenseness disappear. “I’m glad you guys are happy together again.” They both faintly smile at each other. 

The door behind them open up and Sanghyuk and Hakyeon is standing there. Sanghyuk’s leaning on the door frame with a dopey smile on his lips and Hakyeon has a bright white grin. 

“Everything’s getting better now,” Hakyeon gleams for a second, then sternly places his foot down. “Now let’s get back to work you three.” 

-

Wonshik’s finished with his album once spring comes and winter passes. Life has gotten calm again after a couple of days, and surprisingly, everyone’s been supportive of Wonshik. 

Taekwoon’s sitting right next to him in the purple-tinted room, a pair of black headphones resting on his hair and watches as Wonshik messes around with the sound board — pressing buttons, switching switches, moving volumes — before signaling to Taekwoon that’s he’s gonna begin to play it. 

Wonshik has been so busy with the new promotions, albums, and shows that he hasn’t been able to fully finish ‘Poison’ but now that he’s finished with all his business, he decided to finish the melody and suggested that the brunette could sing the parts he couldn’t. 

Taekwoon was quite doubtful and persistent that he wasn’t a good singer but after much begging and puppy eyes, he got Taekwoon in the studio. This was the first time that he’s been in a professional studio and he was nervous so Wonshik gave him peppering kisses whenever he’s break a sweat. 

He quickly grabs the second pair of headphones on the desk and closes his eyes as the song begins to play. 

_‘The voice you called me with gradually fades away,_  
The eyes that gazed warmly at me glaze over,  
You keep coming close.  
With an expression to say your last goodbye,  
Your sweet scent diffuses, a poison called you.’ 

A pinkish blush dusts Taekwoon’s cheeks as he listens to his own voice through the headphones for the first time. 

Wonshik is has a silly smile on his face that makes the older male fond in a way he’s never had before. 

“You sound great!” Wonshik ruffles his brown hair as if he were a child. 

Taekwoon smiles back and leans in for a kiss. “I love you.” He whispers. 

“I love you, too.” Wonshik mumbles on his lips. 

One kiss leads to another and a million more. While they’re together, it feels like there’s nothing that could stop them anymore. They laugh and cuddle and hug. 

Maybe there won’t be anymore poison. A little prick never hurt no body, right?


End file.
